Topic : children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?
In
this
modern day,kids have been lining increased pressures from various issues of their existence,such
as social,academics
and commercial.Fix the agreement mistake
academic
This
essay will analyse the reasons of
pressures and suggest steps to Change preposition
for
less
them.
The first reason is Replace the word
lessen
competition
of academic smart skills between different Add an article
a competition
the competition
child
.Fix the agreement mistake
children
Sucess
is the key Correct your spelling
Success
of
happiness for some Change preposition
to
parents
in a
Change the article
an
education
way.Replace the word
educational
Consequently
,every second parent try
to compare their own kid with others.From their perspective,high grades are Change the verb form
tries
the
example of better and wonderful possibilities in the future.Correct article usage
an
Parents
put Correct article usage
an impacts
impacts
on Fix the agreement mistake
impact
children
to get first position at any cost.Because of that,the children
keep studying the whole day.
Secondly
,social pressures on children
are largely influenced by the pervasive presence of social media and digital platforms.Social media and digital communication have created new dynamics where little people feel the need to constantly present an idealized version of themselves,leading to issues like cyberbulling
.Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
cyber bullying
Moreover
,the growing of cyberbulling
and online peer pressure Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
cyber bullying
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
further
aggravate the social problems that children
have right now..
To diminish these problems,Replace the punctuation
.
...
parents
should have realistic expectations from their children
.Furthermore
,they must not allow in the lives of their kids.Schools can also
provide more support for students to help them manage stress.In other words
,it is significant to encourage mental health and provide children
with resources and help to control stress and disquiet.
In conclusion,as a people in modern day, parents
,thus
adults should to
help Change the verb form
apply
for
future generations to win and solve some issues in Change preposition
apply
this
life. I believe that,
steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their pure childhood.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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coherence cohesion
Focus on developing clearer, more coherent topic sentences for each paragraph. This stronger structure will help guide the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure spelling and punctuation errors are minimized to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Expand on each point with more specific examples. This will strongly support your arguments and improve overall clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses all parts of the question effectively, touching on both causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and properly frame the essay's discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses appropriate linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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