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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

A lot of people are suffering from loneliness these days. They lack of physical fitness. What do you think are the reason of this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

#people #loneliness #lack #fitness #reason
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In today's interconnected society, there is a prevailing proposition, that some individuals have issues,
due to
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 loneliness.
This
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 essay will expatiate the reasons and the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
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this
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 problem with relevant examples and a logical conclusion will be drawn. There are several causes of
this
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 phenomenon. The
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
primary reason is that
,
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apply
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 nowadays
the
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apply
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technology
experiences
Wrong verb form
is experiencing
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a
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apply
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significant improvement.
Hence
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend their leisure time watching the TV and smartphones,
instead
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 of spending time with friends and colleagues.
Consequently
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,
this
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 factor has
negative
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a negative
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 impact on
people
Use synonyms
's social life.
Additionally
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, another reason
of
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for
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 loneliness is that
,
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apply
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 some kids have
the
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a
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 number of complications in their family,
due to
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 several consequences, which promote introvert disorder
in
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at
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young
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a young
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 age. As an example, children have
the
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apply
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social problems and
the
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apply
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anxiety.
On the other hand
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, there are various solutions for
this
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 situation. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 should spend more time with their friends or use some apps, which help to create new relationships.
For instance
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,
due to
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 apps,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 Tinder,
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a person
the person
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person
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people
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 can find a partner,
while
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 staying at home and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 online conversations.
Secondly
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, individuals with diseases,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 anxiety, should visit
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
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 in
this
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 field for treatment.
For example
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, nowadays psychiatrists are very popular and may help
to
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with loneliness. In conclusion, there are some reasons,
due to
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people
Use synonyms
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
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 lonely and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 low level of physical condition .
Nevertheless
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, these complications can be solved by therapists and doctors.
Submitted by hebibli.eli on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has logical structure, but it could be better enhanced by clear topic sentences and a more apparent progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they are not fully developed. The introduction should more clearly state the reasons and solutions to be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported to some extent, but the arguments could be strengthened with more detailed examples and a clearer link between the causes/solutions and the issue of loneliness.
task achievement
The task is addressed, with reasons and solutions identified, though the response is sometimes generic. A stronger focus on specific examples would enhance this.
task achievement
Ideas are expressed, but sometimes lack depth. Including more comprehensive arguments with clear explanations will lead to a higher score.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used, but they are not always specific or fully elaborated. To improve, use detailed and directly related examples to reinforce your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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