IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important element in a person’s life is their work. Without a satisfying career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#element #person’s #life #work #career
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Nowadays working is a cornerstone in our life. Some people argue that the
presence
 of
asatisfying
Correct your spelling
a satisfying
satisfying
job
 is crucial and gives more meaning to our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. I agree with the statement, In
this
 essay I will discuss my argument followed by reasons and examples.
To begin
 with, working on what we are passionate about and attaining goals can make us happier and raise the level of adrenaline associated with the achievement of dreams.
However
 , the
presence
 of any kind of
job
 helps in
self- improvement
Correct your spelling
self-improvement
show examples
 and making our dreams true. So, the mental health will be better
as a result
 of
this
 situation.
For instance
, some studies reveal that our minds can't live without goals and attainment. So, one of the elements of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 is the existence of a satisfying
job
 that motivates us.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the
presence
 of a
job
 helps our mind to solve problems, deal with other people and enhance social intelligence.
On the other hand
, joblessness may have many impacts on social welfare. One of these impacts can be increasing crime levels
such
 as stealing.
Furthermore
, increasing the percentage of unemployment may affect the country's economy .
For example
, some economic reports
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a couple of years ago talked about the relationship between high levels of unemployment and
acountry's
Correct your spelling
a country's
country's
 economic status.
To sum up
, it is important to have a satisfied career path to add some meaning
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a person's life is debatable. In my opinion, it is more crucial to follow our passion and achieve our career goals in order to provide more sense to our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
In addition
, citizen's work may play a role in social welfare and mitigate some problems associated with the
presence
 of unemployment.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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task achievement
In the introduction, ensure to clearly state your agreement or disagreement with the statement. Avoid minor grammatical and spelling mistakes to make your argument more readable and professional.
task achievement
Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically leads to the next, maintaining a smooth flow throughout the essay. This can be improved by using more varied and clear connecting phrases and avoiding abrupt transitions.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the overall structure of your essay. Having a clearer distinction between your main points and their explanations will help in maintaining coherence and cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion which gives your essay a solid structure.
task achievement
The essay brings up relevant points related to the topic and shows an understanding of the subject matter.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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