The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views?
Obesity is the first step that can
leads
us to many health problems in future. Nowadays, there is Change the verb form
lead
surge
in the weight of Add an article
a surge
the surge
children
in many prosperous countries. According to
some people
it is mainly Add a comma
people,
due to
Correct article usage
an increased
increased
in Change the form of the verb
increase
Change the article
a number
the number
number of
junk Correct quantifier usage
apply
food
intake whereas
, other
believe that it's Fix the agreement mistake
others
Correct article usage
the parents
parents
responsibility to look after their kid's wellness. In my opinion, they both are right and I completely agree with both statements. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will shed light Change noun form
parents'
parent's
in
some points to justify my opinion.
First of all, in developed countries, there is Change preposition
on
increase
in the use of fatty foods like burgers and pizzas etc. Add an article
an increase
the increase
People
loved
these kinds of Wrong verb form
love
food
as they are tasty and easy to digest it
. But, they Don't know that these items are not good for their body as they contain Correct pronoun usage
apply
large
amount of fatty acids that Add an article
a large
leads
to obesity and eventually many Change the verb form
lead
heath
issues.
Correct your spelling
health
Secondly
, there are many outlets in these countries that provide fast food
instead
of healthy
diet becauseAdd an article
a healthy
,
Remove the comma
apply
people
loved
to eat Wrong verb form
love
these kind
of things. Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
This
increase in the number of these fast food
chain outlets make
it easy for Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
to buy these unhealthy foods rather than searching for better options that might be healthy for their bodies.
On the other hand
, it is also
the main responisbilty
of the Correct your spelling
responsibility
parents
to look at eating
habits of their kids and encourage them to eat healthy Correct article usage
the eating
food
rather than these fatty foods. If the parents
themselves eat healthy then
their children
will also
follow their
footsteps. Unfortunately, Change preposition
in their
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
parents
don't bother to look after their kids properly which leads their younger generations to spoil their health and their future as well.
To summarize it
, the major reason Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
Change preposition
for
uplift
in overweight Correct article usage
the uplift
children
is huge
number of junk Change the article
a huge
the huge
food
outlets and negligence from their parents
side as well. Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
Parents
should take measure
to teach their Fix the agreement mistake
measures
children
to eat healthy and live a prosperous life. Government
should organize events that Correct article usage
The government
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
the
healthy eating in our society.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea. This will help improve the logical flow of your writing.
task achievement
Practice writing more detailed supporting statements and examples to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
You have clearly introduced the topic and given your opinion in the introduction, which sets the stage for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.