In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Have you ever considered how to recover from
school
before attending a university or getting employment experience? It's common knowledge that having your parents push you to attend
college
after high
school
offers some
benefits
, but it
also
has
drawbacks
.
This
essay will examine the
benefits
and
drawbacks
of young people working or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
for a
year
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between high
school
graduation
and
college
enrollment, and it will do so in a rational manner. On the
one
hand, proponents assert that there are many
benefits
to taking a
year
off between high
school
and
college
.
First,
youth learn from their mistakes as they gain experience in handling real-world issues that customers in restaurants and retail deal with on a daily basis.
Second,
since they already have
a part-time work
Remove the article
part-time work
a part-time job
show examples
, families don't have to worry about income or pocket
money
for their kids.
Additionally
,
one
of the best things for the unspoken future may be saving
money
. What if,
for instance
,
one
of the
youth
Fix the agreement mistake
youths
show examples
had a final assignment at university that could be completed 50/50?
Thirdly
, families don't need to worry about buying everyday university attire.
Additionally
, Younge who does a part-time job can buy clothing for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
following academic phase. The fact that having a job after high
school
helps their family is
one
of the key
benefits
. They may save
money
for their younger brothers who are still in high
school
thanks to it as well. That's why finding employment after
graduation
is crucial. Opponents,
however
, contend that working after
graduation
has some
drawbacks
.
One
of these
drawbacks
is that young people tend to prioritize earning
money
over their education, leading many to drop out of
college
. They no longer have time for their family, which is another drawback. They
also
lose track of how to study and resume their studies.
For instance
, doctors lose their ability to study when they graduate from
college
and begin working at a younger age. Since both parties save
money
, I believe there are more
benefits
than
drawbacks
to
this
. Affluence
also
translates into
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
challenges in life. In summary, there are
benefits
and
drawbacks
to encouraging young people to work or travel for a
year
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between high
school
graduation
and
college
enrollment.
Nonetheless
, I think that there are more
benefits
than
drawbacks
to taking a gap
year
or working a
year
.
Submitted by saeeddjcj80 on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition in your arguments. For example, the point about earning money for the family is repeated multiple times, making your essay seem redundant.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer, more structured arguments. Use paragraphs to separate different points clearly and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
task achievement
Ensure to provide specific examples to back up your arguments. This helps in making your points more convincing and tangible.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a structured way to present your viewpoints.
task achievement
You address both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced approach.
task achievement
The general idea of the essay is clear and relevant to the prompt, making it easy to understand your viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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