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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life ,but city can be extremely difficult.explain some of the dificulties of living in a city . How can government make urban life better for everyone.

#people #cities #search #life #city #dificulties #government
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
people
Use synonyms
 are struggling for
better
Add an article
a better
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 lifestyle .
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals are moving to towns for
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 lifestyle,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very hard.In the following paragraphs,I will discuss the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend and solutions to make the better living standard of
people
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 living in urban areas. The prominent problem faced by
people
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 living in
cities
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 is environmental
pollution
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 because in urban areas there is developed transportation and citizens use their private transports to travel on
daily
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a daily
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 basis which emits a lot of
pollution
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 which can cause several health issues to
people
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such
Linking Words
 as asthma.
Thus
Linking Words
,humans living in
cities
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 suffer from
pollution
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 problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 are facing unemployment in
cities
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 as there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high competition between individuals and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 job opportunities which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in poverty.
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
people
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 become unable to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their basic requirements and live a better life.
In Contrast
Linking Words
,the first and foremost solution
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should implement is that officials should promote public transport in order to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 as if
people
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
use
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 private vehicles,it will result in less air
pollution
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 and
hence
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will be
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
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 and will stay away from the decease and
people
Use synonyms
 can live long healthy lifestyle.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide more employment opportunities so that they can earn more money
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
live a better life and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their needs.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide more jobs. In Conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can say that
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from unemployment and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue by providing more employment opportunities.
Submitted by simrankaurkaur450 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Ensure each paragraph has a single clear idea or theme.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This can help make your arguments more persuasive and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition by using varied vocabulary and sentence structures. This can help keep the essay engaging and clear.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammar and vocabulary use. Some sentences were difficult to understand due to grammatical errors.
structure
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
content
You identified relevant points regarding pollution and unemployment, which are common urban challenges.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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