IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

#gyms #lifestyle #popularity #world
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It is an irrefutable fact that nowadays'
people
 are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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lazy as Opposed to
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 heyday back in the 1900s.
Such
 a trend could
being
Change the verb form
be
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 about
multifacted
Correct your spelling
multifaceted
 issues, which need urgent actions.
This
 essay will analyze various reasons and the impact of
this
 trend
along with
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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 in the upcoming paragraphs.   To commence with sedentary
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 can be the reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 obesity
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals. To explain , in
this
 style of living,
people
 prefer to sit aloof
instead
 of physical movements,
as a result
, individuals gain weight.
Overweight
Add a missing verb
Being overweight
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 becomes the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 multiple
disease
Change the noun form
diseases
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such
 as heart attack, and cancer.
According to
 the research of Harvard
university
Capitalize word
University
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, due
the
Change preposition
to the
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 living style of
people
Add a comma
people,
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 more than 79%
people
Change preposition
of people
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died
Wrong verb form
die
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 every year.
in addition
 to that, because of inactive
livelihood
Add a comma
livelihood,
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 most of the humans are facing back issues, which impact their entire structure body.
Furthermore
, many
people
loose
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lose
show examples
 their muscle
wait
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
due to
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
 number of sitting hours. Despite these challenges, effective solutions can be implemented to mitigate the problems.
Submitted by arshkaurbrar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction precisely states the problems and potential solutions you will discuss in the essay. A clear outline will improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Improve sentence structure and check for grammatical errors to enhance clarity, especially in the introductory and concluding paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide specific and well-elaborated examples and evidence to support your points more effectively. For instance, explain more about how 'Harvard University' research backs your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the problems and solutions associated with a sedentary lifestyle, which fulfills the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good attempt at structuring your essay into clear paragraphs, which aids in readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical inactivity
  • health problems
  • weight gain
  • obesity
  • energy levels
  • chronic illnesses
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • focus
  • social isolation
  • exercise
  • physical fitness
  • active lifestyle
  • health benefits
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • leisure activities
  • regular physical activity
  • physical exercise
  • cardiovascular health
  • strength training
  • flexibility
  • endurance
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