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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in 3 different areas of crime in newport city centre from 2003 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in 3 different areas of crime in newport city centre from 2003 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the changes
Correct pronoun usage
that occured
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occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in 3 various areas of
crime
Use synonyms
 in Newport city centre between 2003 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, burglary depicts the most figures in the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate during the start of 2003 and robbery was the least problem caused. With regard to burglary, it has the most
in
Change preposition
apply
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cases
Use synonyms
 during the beginning period. It started at 3400
cases
Use synonyms
 per year in 2003,
at
Change preposition
apply
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which rose steadily with a digit of 3800 in 2004,
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated with a rapid decrease to 1100 in 2008 and it reached at an amount of 1400
cases
Use synonyms
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of 2012. Car theft
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
Linking Words
 follows
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar trend, in which it started with 2800
cases
Use synonyms
 per year in 2003 and maintained that level
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of 2005,
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated until 2006 and
then
Linking Words
 rose slightly and reached 2800
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of
period
Add an article
the period
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, robbery was the least
crime
Use synonyms
 attempted and
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started at a rate of 800
cases
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 per year in 2003,
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated slightly upward and downward over the periods and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
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the exact number in
crime
Use synonyms
 rates
at the
Linking Words
end
Use synonyms
 of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, cases, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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