The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006.

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006.
The bar graph represents the global
sales
of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
four different types of digital
games
: Mobil phone
games
, Online
games
, Console
games
, and Handheld
games
, over a
7 years
Correct your spelling
7-year
period between 2000
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
2006 indicated in billions of
dollars
.
Overall
, it can be clearly observed that console
games
' revenue underwent a downward trend,
whereas
that of the other
threes
Fix the agreement mistake
three
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experienced an upward trend throughout the given time frame.
However
, it is interesting to note that the popularity of a handheld one
To begin
with, in 2000, at around 11
billion
dollars
,
Correct article usage
the Hanheld
show examples
Hanheld
Correct your spelling
Handheld
game
was the highest
sales
among all four
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
of
games
, followed by console
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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at just below 6
billion
dollars
, respectively. In 2001,
silmilar
Correct your spelling
similar
figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the aforementioned
game
, except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
introduction of an online
game
at about 1
billion
dollars
.
Then
, a following year later,
Mobile
Add an article
the Mobile
show examples
game
was introduced and its new companion received the same rate of sale figures at approximately 2
billion
dollars
in 2002.
Additionally
,
while
handheld version earnings
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dramatically increased,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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console
sales
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
slightly dropped. From 2003 onwards, it is noticeable that the
sales
of
a handheld
Correct the article-noun agreement
handheld games
a handheld game
show examples
games
constantly increased before
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
its
peaked
Replace the word
peak
show examples
at 17
billion
dollars
in 2006,
whereas
that of the console
games
inclined with a constant rate at 3
billion
dollars
. The other two
games
rise slowly before ending with less than 10
billion
dollars
.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 91%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games, dollars, billion, game with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trends
  • Surpassed
  • Advent
  • Steady growth
  • Fluctuating sales
  • Technological advancements
  • Proliferation
  • Year-on-year growth
  • Factors influencing
  • Peak sales
  • Demographic shifts
  • Engagement
  • Driving the sales
  • Blockbuster titles
  • Major game releases
  • Spurring
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