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Kids are getting more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#kids #pressures #perspectives #measures
Children these days face more pressures from academic,social and commercial perspectives.
This
 essay will suggest that the principal of
this
 matter is ferocious rivalry from their
parents
. But, if the government should organize different types of camps,that should be the solution to
this
 issue. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some people think that leisure activities give a vast majority of emotional freedom to their heirs. The first main reason is merciless classifications of competition. The vast majority of adults prefer to achieve the highest level of quality and success. That’s why, some of them try to get results from their hard work and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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. Thanks to
this
, they will live their lives without trouble. But, the first stage to get
consequence
Correct article usage
a consequence
show examples
 is our
parents
. They provide the best education and care to us.
For example
, the number of students who get a 10 score for every subject
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 a 100tg.
This
 kind of game/rule increased by 40% in their school. The most important solution for the government will be organizing interesting and exciting events and bivouacs. Because of these bivouacs, schoolchildren can learn the basics about how to give first-aid help to another person. Or,
as
Correct word choice
apply
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if it is possible,
parents
 should encourage their children to participate in different leisure activities for relaxation, which helps them curb their stress levels and feel calm.
For example
, in
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
show examples
 we have a camp called “Baldauren” where kids can be more relaxed and calm during their activities. In cutthroat contests, pupils are highly pressured by their
parents
 or teachers. That’s the reason why some of them are very introverted
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that sentences flow smoothly by using appropriate linking words and phrases. This will help improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion more fully. This will provide a clearer framework for your essay and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are directly relevant to the main points being made. Sometimes the examples provided seem a little disconnected.
task achievement
Try to avoid redundancy and unclear statements. It is important that each sentence contributes meaningfully to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task fully by discussing both the causes and solutions related to the pressures faced by children today.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the camp 'Baldauren,' adds a personal touch and shows real-world relevance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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