Children are under more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

In
this
day and age,
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
the myriad
show examples
of kids are facing huge pressures,
due to
academic, social and commercial aspects. The main reason for
that is
parent’s effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
’s
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
, but possible solutions to
this
might be
classes
or seminars for
children
and for mothers and fathers. The principal problem associated with moms and dads trying to intervene in young people’s preference. In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
situations
such
as “choosing
profession
Add an article
a profession
show examples
parents
want to
do
Verb problem
save
show examples
themselves
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
children
or they are into giving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
life to their dreams which they can not do at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
young age. The result of
this
often misunderstanding between
parents
and child,
also
destruction
child’s
Correct article usage
the child’s
show examples
future ambitions.
For example
, Google surveys found that 85 per cent of individuals choose their profession, owing to that their
parents
work in
this
type of vocation and only 15% of students are satisfied with their life’s work. To tackle
this
issue, the government should open more seminars and
classes
which can be taken place to educate families about
pressures
Correct article usage
the pressures
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation. Many
children
afraid
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are afraid
show examples
of telling
parents
what they actually prefer and want, and after these
classes
Add a comma
classes,
show examples
parents
have conversations about perspectives which are making life harder for kids.
For instance
, researchers from different schools showed that 94% of
parents
have
discussion
Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
show examples
with youngsters after the seminar which makes it a good solution for the situation. In conclusion,
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
children
have problems with
parent’s
Fix the agreement mistake
parents’
show examples
expectations and with their coercion,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it can be addressed through different courses and
classes
for all family members. It is recommended for
parents
to attend
classes
about connecting with
children
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
Consider varying the sentence structures and using more complex sentences to create a more sophisticated writing style. Also, be sure to avoid repetitive phrases.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use transitional phrases accurately to guide the reader through your arguments. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for the arguments and summarizing the key points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The general structure is logical and easy to follow, and main points are identified and addressed.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear understanding of the task, discussing both the causes of pressure on children and suggesting possible solutions.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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