Not many people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays.

#people #countries #world #concerts

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Nowadays only

small

Correct article usage

a small

show examples

number of young

people

Use synonyms

are going to

concerts

Use synonyms

and plays around the world.

Linking Words

While there

Correct word choice

There

show examples

are several reasons why young

people

Use synonyms

reluctant

Add a missing verb

are reluctant

show examples

these are developing

Wrong verb form

to develop

show examples

digital technologies and

concerning

Wrong verb form

are concerned

show examples

about their health. With the right encouragement

Change preposition

from

show examples

influencers and

implement

Replace the word

the implementation of

show examples

social interactive activities can be taken to address these problems. The issue of lack of interest to attend

concerts

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

becoming more and more common

due to

Linking Words

some reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

developing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

digital technologies

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

people

Use synonyms

some advantages. Watch

concerts

Use synonyms

from their own devices. Big online platforms

such

Linking Words

as YouTube and Netflix can be great

example

Fix the agreement mistake

examples

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

concerning about

Verb problem

show examples

health is

also

Linking Words

obstacle

Add an article

an obstacle

show examples

take

Wrong verb form

taking

show examples

part in

concerts

Use synonyms

and plays.

Because in

Correct word choice

show examples

2019 the world witnessed

serious

Correct article usage

a serious

show examples

disease as known

Covid

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

. For these reasons going to theaters today is difficult compared to the past. Several actions can be taken to curb these problems. Engaging

people

Use synonyms

with their social influencers can be proposed to solve the issues.

For example

Linking Words

, if famous

people

Use synonyms

promote plays

among

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, it can boost the purchase of tickets and

then

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

might go often

after

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

action.

Moreover

Linking Words

adding social interaction

also

Linking Words

can increase the interest in going

these

Change preposition

to these

show examples

events.

For instance

Linking Words

, C and I is

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

activity

Fix the infinitive

to do

show examples

with participants. In conclusion, around the

world

Add a comma

world,

show examples

only

small

Correct article usage

a small

show examples

group of

people

Use synonyms

are going to

theaters

Change the spelling

theatres

show examples

because of modern technologies and worrying about their health.

However

Linking Words

encouragement

Change preposition

with encouragement

show examples

Change preposition

from

show examples

celebrities and increasing social interaction,

people

Use synonyms

can solve

this

Linking Words

issue.

Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on Wed Jul 24 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed the task quite well and have provided reasons why young people are reluctant to attend concerts and plays. However, try to elaborate more on the reasons and examples to make your argument stronger.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Use transition words to link sentences and paragraphs for better flow.

coherence cohesion

Your essay introduces and concludes the topic appropriately, which is good. Ensure each paragraph is well-structured with clear main ideas and supporting details.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, helping to frame your argument clearly.

clear comprehensive ideas

You have clearly mentioned the key reasons why fewer young people are attending concerts and plays, showing understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

246 words

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Not many people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays.

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