Not many people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays.
Nowadays only
small
number of young Correct article usage
a small
people
are going to concerts
and plays around the world. While there
are several reasons why young Correct word choice
There
people
reluctant
Add a missing verb
are reluctant
these are developing
digital technologies and Wrong verb form
to develop
concerning
about their health. With the right encouragement Wrong verb form
are concerned
by
influencers and Change preposition
from
implement
social interactive activities can be taken to address these problems.
The issue of lack of interest to attend Replace the word
the implementation of
concerts
are
becoming more and more common Correct subject-verb agreement
is
due to
some reasons. Firstly
developing the
digital technologies Correct article usage
apply
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
people
some advantages. Watch concerts
from their own devices. Big online platforms such
as YouTube and Netflix can be great example
. Fix the agreement mistake
examples
Secondly
concerning about
health is Verb problem
,
also
obstacle
to Add an article
an obstacle
take
part in Wrong verb form
taking
concerts
and plays. Because in
2019 the world witnessed Correct word choice
In
serious
disease as known Correct article usage
a serious
Covid
. For these reasons going to theaters today is difficult compared to the past.
Several actions can be taken to curb these problems. Engaging Correct your spelling
COVID-19
people
with their social influencers can be proposed to solve the issues. For example
, if famous people
promote plays among
Change preposition
in
the
society, it can boost the purchase of tickets and Correct article usage
apply
then
people
might go often after
this
action. Moreover
adding social interaction also
can increase the interest in going these
events. Change preposition
to these
For instance
, C and I is great
activity Correct article usage
a great
do
with participants.
In conclusion, around the Fix the infinitive
to do
world
only Add a comma
world,
small
group of Correct article usage
a small
people
are going to theaters
because of modern technologies and worrying about their health. Change the spelling
theatres
However
, encouragement
Change preposition
with encouragement
by
celebrities and increasing social interaction, Change preposition
from
people
can solve this
issue.Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task quite well and have provided reasons why young people are reluctant to attend concerts and plays. However, try to elaborate more on the reasons and examples to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Use transition words to link sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay introduces and concludes the topic appropriately, which is good. Ensure each paragraph is well-structured with clear main ideas and supporting details.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, helping to frame your argument clearly.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have clearly mentioned the key reasons why fewer young people are attending concerts and plays, showing understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
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