In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, in some certain
area
, especially in Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Correct article usage
the countrysides
countrysides
, lots of small local Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
shops
have closed due to
lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
costumers
. Correct your spelling
customers
This
case happens because most of
Change preposition
apply
people
prefer to buy necessities in supermarkets. Some groups think that this
is not important whether the people
go shopping at local shops
or large shopping malls, whereas
others argue that it causes some disadvantages, both for the people
and the environment
. In my opinion, I firmly agree that this
can Change the verb form
result
results
negative impacts Add the preposition
results in
results from
to
Change preposition
on
the
society and the Correct article usage
apply
environment
.
To begin
with, small local shop owners will lose their source of income if their shops
are closed. This
leads poverty
in some areas where the Change preposition
to poverty
people
mostly have their own stores. Therefore
, people
who are living in a
low-economic Correct article usage
apply
condition
will have difficulties in their Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
daily-life
Correct your spelling
daily
living
. Replace the word
life
For instance
, in a
village of Kalimantan, since the supermarket in the city near it has been completely built, Correct article usage
the
people
started to go there to buy such
equipments
, goods, and even small necessities, making small store owners earn less money.
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
In addition
, for the environment
, carbon gas emmissions
produced by Correct your spelling
emissions
vehicles
such
as cars and motorcycles can be harmful. Since large shopping malls are mostly located in the cities, people
are willing to put some effort to get
there, either by walkingChange preposition
into getting
,
or by riding Remove the comma
apply
vehicles
. If vehicles
are used, they will produce carbon dioxides which causes global warming. As an example, this
case has been happening in rural areas surrounding Jakarta for one decade, resulting excessive
air pollution and a significant rise Change preposition
in excessive
of
temperature in Jakarta. Change preposition
in
Thus
, vehicles
usage only Change the noun form
vehicle
fo
getting Correct your spelling
for
same
products in Correct article usage
the same
far away
places affects the Correct your spelling
faraway
environment
.
In conclusion, it is better to shop in local markets nearby. Not only helping people
to survive,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
saving the environment
. However
, buying goods, for example
, in a big mall in the city is fine, if they are not available in those local shops
.Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, which is great. However, further development of your arguments and inclusion of more specific examples would strengthen your response. For instance, you could elaborate on why small local shops are important to the social fabric of communities and how large shopping malls might disrupt this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a distinct idea, which is good. However, some points feel repetitive or underdeveloped. Ensure each main point is clearly distinct and fully developed. Linking your points more cohesively would also improve the overall flow of your essay.
language
Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear, such as 'some groups think that this is not important whether the people go shopping at local shops or large shopping malls'. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors like 'lots of small local shops have closed due to lack of costumers'. Refining these sentences and paying attention to grammar would enhance readability and professionalism.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant points, such as the economic impact on small shop owners and the environmental consequences of increased vehicle use.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...