In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, in some certain

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

, especially in

Correct article usage

the countrysides

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countrysides

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countryside

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, lots of small local

shops

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have closed

due to

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lack

Correct article usage

a lack

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costumers

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customers

show examples

This

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case happens because most

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apply

show examples

people

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prefer to buy necessities in supermarkets. Some groups think that

this

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is not important whether the

people

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go shopping at local

shops

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or large shopping malls,

whereas

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others argue that it causes some disadvantages, both for the

people

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and the

environment

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. In my opinion, I firmly agree that

this

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can

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result

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results

Add the preposition

results in

results from

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negative impacts

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show examples

the

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apply

show examples

society and the

environment

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To begin

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with, small local shop owners will lose their source of income if their

shops

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are closed.

This

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leads

poverty

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to poverty

show examples

in some areas where the

people

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mostly have their own stores.

Therefore

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people

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who are living in

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apply

show examples

low-economic

condition

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conditions

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will have difficulties in their

daily-life

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daily

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living

Replace the word

life

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For instance

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, in

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the

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village of Kalimantan, since the supermarket in the city near it has been completely built,

people

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started to go there to buy

such

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equipments

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equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

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, goods, and even small necessities, making small store owners earn less money.

In addition

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, for the

environment

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, carbon gas

emmissions

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emissions

produced by

vehicles

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such

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as cars and motorcycles can be harmful. Since large shopping malls are mostly located in the cities,

people

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are willing to put some effort

to get

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into getting

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there, either by walking

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apply

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or by riding

vehicles

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. If

vehicles

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are used, they will produce carbon dioxides which causes global warming. As an example,

this

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case has been happening in rural areas surrounding Jakarta for one decade, resulting

excessive

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in excessive

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air pollution and a significant rise

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temperature in Jakarta.

Thus

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Use synonyms

vehicles

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vehicle

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usage only

Correct your spelling

for

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getting

same

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the same

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products in

far away

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faraway

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places affects the

environment

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. In conclusion, it is better to shop in local markets nearby. Not only helping

people

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to survive

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apply

show examples

but

also

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saving the

environment

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However

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, buying goods,

for example

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, in a big mall in the city is fine, if they are not available in those local

shops

Use synonyms

firmansyahafandy99Wed Jul 24 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, which is great. However, further development of your arguments and inclusion of more specific examples would strengthen your response. For instance, you could elaborate on why small local shops are important to the social fabric of communities and how large shopping malls might disrupt this.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a distinct idea, which is good. However, some points feel repetitive or underdeveloped. Ensure each main point is clearly distinct and fully developed. Linking your points more cohesively would also improve the overall flow of your essay.

language

Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear, such as 'some groups think that this is not important whether the people go shopping at local shops or large shopping malls'. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors like 'lots of small local shops have closed due to lack of costumers'. Refining these sentences and paying attention to grammar would enhance readability and professionalism.

task achievement

You provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant points, such as the economic impact on small shop owners and the environmental consequences of increased vehicle use.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standard on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?