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Band 5

The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Write an essay looking at the advantages and disadvantages of this professional arrangement. Share personal examples in your essay.

#advent #internet #people #work #home #arrangement
The internet plays an important role in our modern life.
This
 advanced technology made
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
 for workers to
work
 for international companies remotely.
This
 advancement has brought more benefits
as well as
 some demerits that will be discussed in
this
 essay with my own examples.
This
 arrival of the internet brings more benefits to both employers and employees. The most obvious benefit is that any employer can
acccess
Correct your spelling
access
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skilled employees from overseas
whos
Correct your spelling
who
show examples
 is
perfect
Add an article
a perfect
the perfect
show examples
 fit for
ther
Correct your spelling
the
their
 position they are looking for.
For instance
, more than 70% of the IT sectors are
hirinng
Correct your spelling
hiring
 their workers out of the country
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 allows them to
work
 from home.
While at
Correct word choice
At
show examples
 the same time,
this
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
 their time which allows the overseas
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
 to
work
 for multiple companies
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 ultimate benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both the owners and their associates.
However
,
this
 improvement in cyberspace made so many people lazy and
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
socially interact
Replace the word
social interactions
show examples
 with people in conversations.
For instance
, a good friend of mine got
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 great
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to
work
 for a multinational company from his home
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 made him
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
concentrate more on
work
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 leading a social life, which made him feel alone.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 the net has brought many mental health issues to an individual who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 alone in a private
sapece
Correct your spelling
space
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their desired location. In Conclusion,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the positive side will help in improving
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 by selecting talented workers and
allows
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 the public to do multiple
task
Change to a plural noun
tasks
show examples
.
Besides
 that on the negative
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
 I can see that it
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 the person more
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 and affects the
persond
Correct your spelling
person's
person
persons
 mental health.
Therefore
, the advancement of the net that pulled people to do remote
work
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 both advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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grammar
Review your spelling and grammar. Small mistakes like 'whos' instead of 'who is' and 'ther' instead of 'their' can affect clarity.
content development
Ensure that your examples and points directly illustrate the advantages and disadvantages you mention. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point supported by relevant details.
coherence
Avoid repetition of ideas. For instance, mentioning mental health concerns twice in a similar context can be seen as redundant.
style
Try to vary your sentence structure. Using a mix of short and long sentences can make your essay more engaging.
structure
Clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids in reader comprehension.
content
Use of personal example adds a personal touch and makes your essay more engaging.
clarity
Purpose of the essay is clear from the introduction, setting a good tone for the reader.
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