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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
#data #railway #systems #siz #cities #kilometres #route #passenger #numbers #year #millions
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The table illustrates information about
undergraud
Correct your spelling
underground
undergrad
railway
constructure
Correct your spelling
construction
 in
London
, Paris,
Tokyo
, Washington DC, Kyoto,
los
Change the capitalization
Los
show examples
 Angeles in three categories.
Overall
, it is clear from the table that
London
 is the oldest one and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the longest route
tham
Correct your spelling
than
 others,
while
Tokyo
have
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has
show examples
 the highest number of passengers per
year
.
London
have
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has
show examples
 the oldest rail station
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
built in 1863, at the same point Paris and
Tokyo
 are the
owner
Change the noun form
owners
show examples
 of the older
railway
system
 that
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 in
this
 table with constructed in 1900 and 1927, respectively.
London
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the longest rail
system
 at just under 400
kilometres
.
On the other hand
,
Tokyo
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the most passengers per
year
 with 1927 , following that Paris is second most in
this
 category with
appproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 1200 passengers per
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
year
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 Los Angeles has the
uyoumgest
Correct your spelling
largest
 underground
railway
system
 opened at
year
 2001 and Kyoto
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the second
yong
Correct your spelling
young
 rail station at the
year
 1981.
However
, Washington DC have the longest
kilometres
 of route with 126
kilometres
 ,
while
 Kyoto has the shortest distance
railway
system
 at just above 10
kilometres
.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, london, tokyo, year, system, kilometres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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