IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe it is better to work out in a gym, while others prefer to exercise outdoors. Discuss both views while giving your opinion.

#people #work #gym #exercise
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These days, exercising indoors or outdoors is a controversial issue.
While
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 outdoor working out can refresh
people
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 which helps them not to be sick of it, I think working out in a
gym
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 is a better option.
This
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 is because working out indoors allows
people
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 to
exercise
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 regularly regardless of the
weather
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. On the one hand, some
people
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 love to
exercise
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 outside
such
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 as
a
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in a
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park or a stadium. It's because they can
exercise
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 for a long time without being sick of it.
People
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 can feel fresh air or soil in a close distance when exercising outside. Feeling nature deeply refreshes
people
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 more which allows them not to feel bored
while
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 exercising.
In addition
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,
people
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 can go wherever they want or change the place where they decide to
exercise
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. It gives
people
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 more options and fun helping them to keep their interest in
exercise
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. Working out consistently is essential to become healthy,
therefore
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, exercising outside has a clear advantage.
However
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, it has a fatal
backward
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backwards
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 that the working out schedules are affected a lot by the
weather
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.
On the other hand
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, working out indoors is free from the concerns. It allows
people
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 to
exercise
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 regularly regardless of the
weather
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 conditions. They can go to a
gym
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 whatever the
weather
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 is. Being healthy or maintaining a good body shape can only be achieved by following a strict schedule.
Also
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 working out in a
gym
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 helps
people
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 to focus on their own schedule and body conditions, which is a big help for
people
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.
For example
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, in Korea, there is a rainy season during summer.
People
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 who work out outdoors should give up their routine on rainy days, which doesn't have a positive impact on their health. In conclusion,
while
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 exercising
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
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 can refresh
people
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 more, working out in a
gym
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 is
better
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a better
the better
show examples
 option to follow a regular schedule without concerns of
weather
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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. Working out on a daily basis is so substantial to become healthy that indoor
exercise
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 has
advantage
Add an article
an advantage
the advantage
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 over outdoor
exercise
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.
Submitted by marykoog7 on

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task response
While your introduction outlines both views and states your opinion effectively, it can be made more engaging by offering a general context or current trend about exercising.
task response
Including more specific examples and data can further support your points and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
You may want to use a mix of complex and compound sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Using transitional phrases can help achieve this.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with a coherent introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You have adequately discussed both views, which fulfills the requirements of the task.
task response
Your ideas are generally clear and easy to understand, making your argument strong.
coherence and cohesion
You have effectively used separate paragraphs to discuss different points, which aids in the clarity of your essay.
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