IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
#changes #place #west #park #school #construction
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The provided maps illustrate how West
Park
Use synonyms
 Secondary
School
Use synonyms
's lineup changed between 1950 to 1980 and
1980
Change preposition
from 1980
show examples
 to 2010. Over the period, The
school
Use synonyms
 lost its green areas and some places
enlarged
Add a missing verb
were enlarged
show examples
, removed and cut throughout these developments in
school
Use synonyms
. In 1950,
Use synonyms
School
Correct article usage
the School
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 4 different parts which
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 houses,
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
a school
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, farmland and
Use synonyms
playground
Correct article usage
a playground
show examples
. Houses and
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 are located
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the roadside. In 1980 with a restoration
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
, three houses
were remove
Change the verb form
were removed
show examples
 and they constructed a new car
park
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 a science block.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the farmland has changed to a sports
field
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the
playground
Use synonyms
 and the
school
Use synonyms
 did not change. In 1980, the
playground
Use synonyms
 was the largest area of the
school
Use synonyms
 as same as
1950
Change preposition
in 1950
show examples
. In 2010,
Main
Correct article usage
the Main
show examples
 building and science block have not changed.
However
Linking Words
,
Sports
Correct article usage
the Sports
show examples
Use synonyms
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
show examples
Add a missing verb
were
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reduced.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the car
park
Use synonyms
 area expanded
due to
Linking Words
 new empty places from
Use synonyms
playground
Add an article
the playground
a playground
show examples
 and sports
field
Use synonyms
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
 was the biggest
field
Use synonyms
 of the
school
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Submitted by taylanpolat6124 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park, school, playground, field with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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