Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, our world is changing rapidly, especially in technology
such
Linking Words
as smartphones, automation, robots, artificial intelligence, and so on.
In particular
Linking Words
, mobile phones become one of the most vital things in our daily life. Not only
teenagers
Add a missing verb
do teenagers
show examples
, adults or working age have their mobile phones but some
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have access to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some groups spend their time every day in front of the monitor. So, there are some concerns and I will show the positive and negative
points
Use synonyms
of
this
Linking Words
behaviour.
Firstly
Linking Words
, There are some pros that people agree with these
points
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
do not have time to stay with their kids, so they decide to give them a smartphone, wishing them fun and not lonely by watching some content from social media. Some fathers or mothers
also
Linking Words
believe that
children
Use synonyms
, who have their own
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, can call their
parents
Use synonyms
when they need some help or contact them in abnormal situations. Having said that, these kinds of
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
provides a lot of positive
trend
Change to a plural noun
trends
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, on the flip of a coin, there are
also
Linking Words
some negative
points
Use synonyms
including too much time spent and appropriate use.
For instance
Linking Words
, some sons and daughters
Add a missing verb
are addict
show examples
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
to watching content on their smartphones
instead
Linking Words
of playing outside with their friends.
This
Linking Words
will cause them to be an anti-social person. Some
children
Use synonyms
have aggressive behaviour when phones are away. Because of ignorance and control from
parents
Use synonyms
, some groups tend to use their electronic devices for illegal purposes like porn, or crime.
Finally
Linking Words
, these can lead to terrible moments for them and their
parents
Use synonyms
. To summarise, smartphones are one of the most innovative developments and highly helpful tools for every human.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
, using devices have to be educated and controlled by adults with appropriate advice. Using with suitability will make a lot of positive
points
Use synonyms
for both
children
Use synonyms
and
parents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by matty10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points better. For instance, mention specific social media platforms or types of content that children might be engaging with.
coherence
Ensure that every paragraph is focused on a single main idea to improve clarity. For example, separate the idea of parental neglect and children's safety into different sections.
coherence
Work on sentence variety to enhance the flow of your writing. Use complex and compound sentences alongside simple sentences for better rhythm and engagement.
introduction
Your introduction effectively outlines the scope of the discussion and sets up the essay well.
conclusion
The conclusion provides a clear summary and presents a balanced view on the role of smartphones in children's lives.
task response
You have raised relevant points and provided a well-rounded discussion by addressing both the positive and negative aspects of children's smartphone usage.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital devices
  • smartphone addiction
  • online interactions
  • developmental impact
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • academic performance
  • parental supervision
  • proliferation of apps
  • engaging content
  • excessive use
  • sedentary lifestyle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: