Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Nowadays, our world is changing rapidly, especially in technology

such

Linking Words

as smartphones, automation, robots, artificial intelligence, and so on.

In particular

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, mobile phones become one of the most vital things in our daily life. Not only

teenagers

Add a missing verb

do teenagers

show examples

, adults or working age have their mobile phones but some

children

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

have access to

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Furthermore

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, some groups spend their time every day in front of the monitor. So, there are some concerns and I will show the positive and negative

points

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

behaviour.

Firstly

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, There are some pros that people agree with these

points

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For example

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, some

parents

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do not have time to stay with their kids, so they decide to give them a smartphone, wishing them fun and not lonely by watching some content from social media. Some fathers or mothers

also

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believe that

children

Use synonyms

, who have their own

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

, can call their

parents

Use synonyms

when they need some help or contact them in abnormal situations. Having said that, these kinds of

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

provides a lot of positive

trend

Change to a plural noun

trends

show examples

However

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, on the flip of a coin, there are

also

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some negative

points

Use synonyms

including too much time spent and appropriate use.

For instance

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, some sons and daughters

Add a missing verb

are addict

show examples

addict

Replace the word

addicted

show examples

to watching content on their smartphones

instead

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of playing outside with their friends.

This

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will cause them to be an anti-social person. Some

children

Use synonyms

have aggressive behaviour when phones are away. Because of ignorance and control from

parents

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, some groups tend to use their electronic devices for illegal purposes like porn, or crime.

Finally

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, these can lead to terrible moments for them and their

parents

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. To summarise, smartphones are one of the most innovative developments and highly helpful tools for every human.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

, using devices have to be educated and controlled by adults with appropriate advice. Using with suitability will make a lot of positive

points

Use synonyms

for both

children

Use synonyms

and

parents

Use synonyms

matty10

Jul 24, 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points better. For instance, mention specific social media platforms or types of content that children might be engaging with.

coherence

Ensure that every paragraph is focused on a single main idea to improve clarity. For example, separate the idea of parental neglect and children's safety into different sections.

coherence

Work on sentence variety to enhance the flow of your writing. Use complex and compound sentences alongside simple sentences for better rhythm and engagement.

introduction

Your introduction effectively outlines the scope of the discussion and sets up the essay well.

conclusion

The conclusion provides a clear summary and presents a balanced view on the role of smartphones in children's lives.

task response

You have raised relevant points and provided a well-rounded discussion by addressing both the positive and negative aspects of children's smartphone usage.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

310 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
digital devices
smartphone addiction
online interactions
developmental impact
physical health
mental well-being
academic performance
parental supervision
proliferation of apps
engaging content
excessive use
sedentary lifestyle

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

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Nowadays people normally stretch their working hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people's life easier?