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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days young children spend a lot of time using computers, tablet and smartphones. Some people think that introducing children to technology at a young age is beneficial. Others believe that they would benefit more from traditional games. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

Technology
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 is important in
this
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 modern era.
Technology
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 is used with the help of different gadgets like computers, tablets and Smartphones. Some individuals believe that introducing
children
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 to
technology
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 at a young age is important.
However
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, others argue that they would benefit more from traditional
games
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. It is a positive
development
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. In
this
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 essay, I will justify both perspectives before presenting my opinion. To commence with,
technology
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 fosters early learning, young
children
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 can access educational apps that promote creativity, problem-solving, and critical thinking.
For example
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, apps that teach basic math or reading
skills
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 can be advantageous to a child's cognitive
development
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.
Moreover
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, social
skills
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 enhancement, through online platforms and
games
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,
children
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 can interact with peers,
thus
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 enhancing their social
skills
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 and teamwork.
For instance
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, collaborative online
games
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 promote communication and cooperation among
children
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. Moving ahead, traditional
games
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 often involve physical activity that promotes a healthier lifestyle. It will foster creativity and imaginative play, which can be crucial for child
development
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.
For example
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,
children
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 engaging in pretend play with toys develop social
skills
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 and emotional intelligence.
Furthermore
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, traditional
games
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 help to develop immunity, through involvement in various traditional activities
such
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 as cricket, Hockey, and football.
As a result
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, physical activity is important for a child’s growth. In conclusion,
technology
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 fosters early learning, young
children
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 can access educational apps that promote creativity, problem-solving, and critical thinking. Traditional
games
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 often involve physical activity that promotes a healthier lifestyle. Maintaining a balance between these learnings will help in the
overall
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development
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 of the
children
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.

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task achievement
Try to deepen your arguments by providing additional details and examples to further support your points. For instance, when discussing technology's impact on learning, consider mentioning specific educational apps or studies that demonstrate their effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Consider transitions between your points to enhance the overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph explores a single main idea thoroughly. This can give your argument more depth and help clearly distinguish the benefits of technology versus traditional games.
structure
You have provided a clear introduction that outlines the main points of the essay, making your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You successfully recognized both perspectives regarding technology and traditional games, showing a balanced view on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational apps
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaborative games
  • adaptability
  • digital devices
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • imaginative play
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • pretend play
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