IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that the government should spend money on Space research while others say that the government should build hospitals. Which argument do you support?

#people #government #money #space #research #hospitals #argument #support
There are
soma
Correct your spelling
some
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 people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 has lots of duties which can be helpful for
population
Add an article
the population
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. First and foremost, building new hospitals is the most significant duty in front of the government.
On the other hand
, Our world is rapidly changing,
therefore
 each country should spend on space research. Despite all arguments, I strongly believe that first of all, the government should take care of
people
Correct article usage
the people
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,
after
Correct word choice
and after
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 that the rest of
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
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 Can
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
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 on other issues. In
this
 way,
population
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the population
a population
show examples
 can live in a safe.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer structure. A well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion would help organize the ideas.
task achievement
The essay could also be strengthened by providing relevant specific examples to support the main points. This can help clarify your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
It's important to ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed thoroughly. The essay touches on both sides of the argument but lacks depth in discussing the benefits and drawbacks of each perspective.
task achievement
The essay touches on both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of different perspectives.
task achievement
The main idea that the government should prioritize healthcare is clear and repeated for emphasis, which shows a strong stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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