IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average austraian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average austraian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #austraian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions
There are two charts the first one illustrates how
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
Austraian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 household
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy
while
 the second shows the greenhouse
gas
emissions
 which come
as a result
 of
energy
useg
Correct your spelling
use
used
.Well,a lot of notable things can be observed.
Overall
,we can see that heating has the most proportion of
useg
Correct your spelling
use
while
 the most
energy
 that leads to
gas
emissions
 is water heating with 32% of the total greenhouse
gas
emissions
. On the one hand,heating
dominate
Change the verb form
dominates
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Austraian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 household
energy
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of 42%.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,cooling , lighting and refrigeration come
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the bottom of the list with 13%
compaind
Correct your spelling
compound
compared
.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 water heating
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place with approximately 30%.
On the other hand
,there are
alot
Correct your spelling
lot
 to observe on the greenhouse
gas
emissions
 which come
as a result
 of
Austraian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 household
energy
useg
Correct your spelling
use
used
.First of all,lighting and cooling are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the bottom of the list with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of 11%
compained
Correct your spelling
combined
.
Furthermore
,refrigeration and heating have nearly the same percentage
although
heating
Add an article
the heating
show examples
 was the most
energy
 that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been used.
Finally
,water heating and other appliances are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of the list with approximately the same percentage.
Submitted by yousefreyad55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as a result, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas, emissions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!