Some people think people can exploit animals for any purpose they need, while others do not think so. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Firstly
, I will discuss the two sides starting with the side that thinks it is okay to exploit animals
for any purpose I really do not agree with them at all hence
,I do believe it is okay to use animals
for are good but to a point like food or actual human needs but hunting for fun or playing with animals
for your own enjoyment really bugs me and I do not in anyway
agree with exploiting Replace the word
any way
animals
.secondly
I strongly agree with the other side the side that Add a comma
secondly,
do
not believe it is okay to exploit poor Change the verb form
does
animals
for fun one day god is going to take revenge for them because they are poor and weak souls and you as a human who can understand and have the guts you use it to abuse the animals
that is
totally wrong and unfair. Lastly
I do believe that governments should Add a comma
Lastly,
put
Verb problem
apply
a
punishment Correct article usage
apply
to
animal abuse and for people who kill Change preposition
apply
animals
just to kill some
time or for their own good Correct quantifier usage
apply
that is
not a human thing to do and
studies have shown that criminals usually start their path by killing Correct word choice
apply
animals
such
as rats and bugs then
slowly leveling
up to killing bigger Change the spelling
levelling
animals
like cats and dogs then
bigger or harder animals
monkeys and the list goes on up until humans that behavior
can be seen in many criminals around the world I do hope Change the spelling
behaviour
this
report can change some people minds and re think
how they treat the Correct your spelling
rethink
animals
around them.Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on
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coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a clear and concise introduction to set up the discussion effectively. This will provide a roadmap for the reader and improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you use paragraphs to separate different points or ideas. This helps in maintaining a logical structure and makes the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
While discussing your opinions, provide specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness and relevance of your arguments.
task achievement
Consider addressing the opposite viewpoint more comprehensively. This demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue and shows balanced reasoning.
task achievement
You have presented a clear stance on the issue, which is important for task response.
task achievement
The essay reflects genuine concern and passion about the topic, which engages the reader.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression in presenting your arguments even though the essay could benefit from more structured paragraphs.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion