IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should be given a modest weekly allowance for doing household chores. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Do not use memorized examples.

#children #allowance #household #chores #support
In
this
 essay we’re going to discuss, if hosting the Olympic Games and football World Cup is a waste of
money
 or not. The first view is about
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 games and
Football
Correct article usage
the Football
show examples
world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
show examples
 being a waste of
money
. I can see where
people
 might think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 especially if they don’t play sports or are not interested in them.
It’s
 a
high- ranking
Correct your spelling
high-ranking
show examples
 sporting
events
 that have a lot of
people
 in attendance, which results in
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 hosting being very expensive.
Whilst the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
money
 could’ve been used to build a hospital or a children’s playground (most likely both). The
people
 pay taxes, and they might think that’s where their taxes are going, and not for fixing the road,
extraction
Correct word choice
or extraction
show examples
 of pollution in the lakes or oceans (depending on where you live). The second view, hosting
such
events
 brings
people
 joy,
obviously
Add a comma
obviously,
show examples
it’s
 sports. Dozens of
people
 across the world watch these
events
, after a long day at work or after school, university etc.
It’s
 a great way to spend time without getting into trouble, and even reuniting with your family. These sporting
events
 are very cultural,
people
 scream from happiness, they enjoy it so much. Fathers take their children to these games, children fall in love with the sport, it prevents them from smoking
drinking
Correct word choice
and drinking
show examples
 and helps them keep a healthy lifestyle. Many
people
 celebrate these tournaments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because for some
it’s
 the best thing all year and
it’s
 always good to have fun. In my opinion, they should host these
events
, it helps
people
 reunite and just be happy, but the organizers need to
very
Add a missing verb
be very
show examples
 careful, a lot of
people
 drink and might even get very angry especially if their team loses which may result in fights. So, all they need to do is limit the amount of alcohol and hire more security. So, I don’t think
it’s
 a waste of
money
 if the organization of the tournament is taken seriously, with all precautions.
Submitted by krisjeffay on

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logical structure
To improve logical structure, work on organizing your thoughts more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea that's clearly stated at the beginning.
introduction conclusion present
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes the key points made in the essay and reiterates your position.
relevant specific examples
Use more specific examples to support your points. This helps make your argument more persuasive and engaging.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some of the ideas could be expressed more clearly. Review your sentences for clarity and coherence.
complete response
The essay includes diverse viewpoints and demonstrates an understanding of the topic's complexity.
supported main points
You provide a balanced view by considering both the positive and negative aspects of hosting major sporting events.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your language shows a good command of English, with a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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