Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Young generations are obsessed
by
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with
show examples
smartphones
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for entertainment and communication. Even
through
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though
show examples
, utilizing
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
is universal in young
kids
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, in my view, it is detrimental to their growth inevitably. The main reason
that
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is that
show examples
kids
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are fond of using
smartphones
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frequently in order to
entertainment
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entertain
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during
the
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their
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leisure
time
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. In virtue of
powerful
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the powerful
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performance and various applications of
smartphones
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,
kids
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are able to do a lot
of fascinated
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fascinating
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activities
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as they want
by
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with
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this
Linking Words
tiny electric budget,
for instance
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, listening
music
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to music
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, watching films and playing video games. These functions are too attractive to permit
kids
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to drop their phones off. From my perspective, it could bring deleterious consequences to
children
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's well-being
that
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by
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using
smartphones
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for
long
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a long
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time
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.
Children
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's eyesight may be threatened by
phone's
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the phone's
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screen light.
Due to
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the lack of self-control in
children
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, they are likely to stare at phone screens constantly, their eyes would be
exposure
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exposed
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under the screen lights without adequate rest. Conceivably, the myopia ratio to
younger
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the younger
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generation would
be
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apply
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increase.
Moreover
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, it would impact
children
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's personal development adversely that
playing
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play
show examples
smartphone
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smartphones
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frequently.
Children
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are obligated to join more outdoor
activities
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, ensuring them to explore new
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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in
real
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the real
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world, rather than staying
at
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apply
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indoor
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indoors
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and indulging in the virtual world by smartphone.
According to
Linking Words
research, outdoor
activities
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,
such
Linking Words
as hiking, camping,
even
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and even
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aimless play, could empower
kids
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to unleash their creativity and
imaginations
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imagination
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, enhancing their learning ability.
By contrast
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, playing
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smartphones
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on smartphones
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at home would obstacle to
kids
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satisfying their curiosity and recognizing the real world, resulting in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of sound personality to them. In conclusion,
smartphones
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provide young generations
distinguishing
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with distinguishing
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methods for entertainment,
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
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about the phenomenon that
kids
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spend plenty of
time
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to play
Verb problem
playing with
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them.
However
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, I believe
kids
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should reduce the
using
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use
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time
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of
smartphones
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urgently, paradoxically, attempting more
outdoors
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outdoor
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Timothy on

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grammar
Review grammar, particularly subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. The essay contains multiple grammar errors that can affect readability.
examples
Try to provide more relevant and detailed examples to substantiate your arguments. This will help make your points more compelling and concrete.
vocabulary
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
content
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both why children spend hours on smartphones and the potential negative effects.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are both well-crafted, serving to frame the essay effectively.
reasoning
Main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, making the arguments coherent and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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