Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Young generations are obsessed
by
Change preposition
with
smartphones
for entertainment and communication. Even through
, utilizing Correct your spelling
though
smartphone
is universal in young Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
kids
, in my view, it is detrimental to their growth inevitably.
The main reason that
Add a missing verb
is that
kids
are fond of using smartphones
frequently in order to entertainment
during Replace the word
entertain
the
leisure Change the word
their
time
. In virtue of powerful
performance and various applications of Correct article usage
the powerful
smartphones
, kids
are able to do a lot of fascinated
Change preposition
fascinating
activities
as they want by
Change preposition
with
this
tiny electric budget, for instance
, listening music
, watching films and playing video games. These functions are too attractive to permit Change preposition
to music
kids
to drop their phones off.
From my perspective, it could bring deleterious consequences to children
's well-being that
using Change preposition
by
smartphones
for long
Change the article
a long
time
. Children
's eyesight may be threatened by phone's
screen light. Correct article usage
the phone's
Due to
the lack of self-control in children
, they are likely to stare at phone screens constantly, their eyes would be exposure
under the screen lights without adequate rest. Conceivably, the myopia ratio to Replace the word
exposed
younger
generation would Correct article usage
the younger
be
increase.
Unnecessary verb
apply
Moreover
, it would impact children
's personal development adversely that playing
Wrong verb form
play
smartphone
frequently. Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
Children
are obligated to join more outdoor activities
, ensuring them to explore new stuffs
in Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
real
world, rather than staying Add an article
the real
at
Change preposition
apply
indoor
and indulging in the virtual world by smartphone. Correct your spelling
indoors
According to
research, outdoor activities
, such
as hiking, camping, even
aimless play, could empower Correct word choice
and even
kids
to unleash their creativity and imaginations
, enhancing their learning ability. Fix the agreement mistake
imagination
By contrast
, playing smartphones
at home would obstacle to Change preposition
on smartphones
kids
satisfying their curiosity and recognizing the real world, resulting in lack
of sound personality to them.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a lack
smartphones
provide young generations distinguishing
methods for entertainment, Change preposition
with distinguishing
bring
about the phenomenon that Wrong verb form
bringing
kids
spend plenty of time
to play
them. Verb problem
playing with
However
, I believe kids
should reduce the using
Replace the word
use
time
of smartphones
urgently, paradoxically, attempting more outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
activities
.Submitted by Timothy on
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grammar
Review grammar, particularly subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. The essay contains multiple grammar errors that can affect readability.
examples
Try to provide more relevant and detailed examples to substantiate your arguments. This will help make your points more compelling and concrete.
vocabulary
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
content
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both why children spend hours on smartphones and the potential negative effects.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are both well-crafted, serving to frame the essay effectively.
reasoning
Main points are well-supported with logical reasoning, making the arguments coherent and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.