Some people who have been in prison are the best talk to school students about the danger of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree
Prisoners
are the best example for school
students to share their own experiences about commit of
Wrong verb form
committing
crime
. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
Although
their stories could motivate them committing
the Change the verb form
to commit
crime
.
People in prison, who really regret of
their Change preposition
apply
crime
are good Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
for
high Change preposition
of
school
pupils. Criminals share their own experiences about the difficulties in the prisons. So their regretting
could overcome a lot of minor crimes, which are usually done by Replace the word
regret
teenagers
, like the thief, the
burglary and drug abuse. Correct article usage
apply
And after
stories like Correct word choice
After
this
, most of
Change preposition
apply
teenagers
, who study in the
high Correct article usage
apply
school
remember the situation, which happened with prisoners
before commit
one Change the verb form
committing
of
Change preposition
apply
the
kind of Correct article usage
apply
crime
and change
their Wrong verb form
changing
mind
. True Fix the agreement mistake
minds
advices
which is Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
get
right to the person could prevent Fix the infinitive
to get
a
numerous negative aftereffects.
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
On the other hand
, not all criminals are
regret Unnecessary verb
apply
about
their crimes. Communication with people like Change preposition
apply
this
,
could leadRemove the comma
apply
a
lot of negative consequences. Change preposition
to a
Prisoners
, who are
not Verb problem
do
regretting
their commit of Wrong verb form
regret
crime
could motivate Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
the
high Correct article usage
apply
school
students convincing
that Wrong verb form
to convince them
crime
is not so dangerous and wrong. Because the high school
pupils are teenagers
and the people in
their Change preposition
apply
ages
have a very great interest Fix the agreement mistake
age
to do
something new, not separating it to good or bad. Under the influence of Change preposition
in doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
felons
Add a comma
felons,
teenagers
could think that crime
is something cool. And person
who Add an article
the person
a person
commit
a Change the verb form
commits
crime
would be in the respect. Unfortunately, enormous amounts of youth fall into this
trap.
In conclusion, I cannot say that I am completely agree
with Change the verb form
completely agree
idea
Add an article
the idea
about
that criminals can totally change the minds of youth. Change preposition
apply
However
selecting true prisoners
, who regret about
their crimes could be the best example for Change preposition
apply
teenagers
that Correct article usage
the criminality
criminality
world Replace the word
criminal
are
not cool and funny Change the verb form
is
how
they Correct word choice
as
used to
usually think.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and includes some relevant reasons and examples. However, the arguments could be developed more fully and precisely. Try to provide more specific examples and expand on your points to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. The organization is generally logical, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence of your essay, ensuring smooth progression from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased which can obscure your meaning. Work on simplifying your sentences and eliminating small mistakes to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the task and show a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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