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In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

#people #job #time #development
In modern society, some
people
 tend to have multiple
jobs
.
This
 is because they need amounts of
money
 in capitalism. In reality, multiple
jobs
 lead to
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
individuals
can earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 more
money
,
however
, they can easily lose their healthy lifestyles. Currently, there are trends that
people
 are having more than one job, including part-time
jobs
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holidays or weekends.
This
 is because current
people
 consider that their source of
income
 is not enough to live a generous life,
such
 as the
people
 in social media.
For example
, many Koreans are working
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekend to earn amounts of
money
 for vacations
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 they have seen on social media platforms.
However
, these movements have advantages
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
 not only make more
money
 but
also
 spend more
money
 to buy some necessities and goods.
Therefore
, the local businesses and markets are activated
due to
 their spending, and it makes other spending because the owner of markets earns more
money
.
As a result
, these movements activate the local economy through the
people
’s
income
.
On the other hand
, they are too much focused on
income
. They tend to overwork and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
ignore their health problems. In current study warned that
people
 who have multiple
jobs
 have twice more possibility of getting adult diseases than
people
 who have one job. In conclusion, modern
people
 are getting multiple
jobs
 to earn more
income
due to
 social media. These trends have advantages
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
people
’s spending activates the local economy,
however
, there are drawbacks
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 they can get serious adult diseases because of hard work.
Submitted by cmw9101 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear understanding of the task. However, enhancing the connection between your main points and the examples provided would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will help readers follow your argument more easily and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralizing; use specific examples to support your points more effectively. This will make your arguments more credible and grounded.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and its relevance, setting a solid foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of having multiple jobs, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Multiple income streams
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Contract work
  • Professional development
  • Financial security
  • Job market
  • Diversified income
  • Burnout
  • Skill set
  • Networking opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Time management
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