In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?
In modern society, some
people
tend to have multiple jobs
. This
is because they need amounts of money
in capitalism. In reality, multiple jobs
lead to that
individuals Correct determiner usage
apply
can earn
more Wrong verb form
earning
money
, however
, they can easily lose their healthy lifestyles.
Currently, there are trends that people
are having more than one job, including part-time jobs
in
holidays or weekends. Change preposition
on
This
is because current people
consider that their source of income
is not enough to live a generous life, such
as the people
in social media. For example
, many Koreans are working in
the weekend to earn amounts of Change preposition
at
money
for vacations where
they have seen on social media platforms.
Correct word choice
which
However
, these movements have advantages which
Change preposition
in which
people
not only make more money
but also
spend more money
to buy some necessities and goods. Therefore
, the local businesses and markets are activated due to
their spending, and it makes other spending because the owner of markets earns more money
. As a result
, these movements activate the local economy through the people
’s income
. On the other hand
, they are too much focused on income
. They tend to overwork and to
ignore their health problems. In current study warned that Fix the infinitive
apply
people
who have multiple jobs
have twice more possibility of getting adult diseases than people
who have one job.
In conclusion, modern people
are getting multiple jobs
to earn more income
due to
social media. These trends have advantages that
Change preposition
in that
people
’s spending activates the local economy, however
, there are drawbacks that
they can get serious adult diseases because of hard work.Change preposition
in that
Submitted by cmw9101 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear understanding of the task. However, enhancing the connection between your main points and the examples provided would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will help readers follow your argument more easily and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralizing; use specific examples to support your points more effectively. This will make your arguments more credible and grounded.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and its relevance, setting a solid foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of having multiple jobs, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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