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Band 5

Write about the following topic: More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #areas #cities
Many
people
 these days are more inclined to move to a big city
instead
 of living in a rural area
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because individuals are looking for a better
life
 or a new chapter in their day-by-day routine. I personally believe that it might be a bit challenging for those who are looking
for moving
Change preposition
to move
show examples
 and it might cause drawbacks for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides: rural and urban areas.
Firstly
,
this
 type of migration affects a balanced
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 development. To illustrate, when a bunch of
people
 move from one area to another it may cause a deficit of
people
 in a village and vice versa an agglomeration in a city.
For example
, in big countries
such
 as
United
Correct article usage
the United
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States
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States,
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 the situation is really awful in cities
such
 as New York or Washington. There are so many homeless
people
 on
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
 solely because the rent and other facilities become unaffordable for them. It may sound ridiculous, but
instead
 of a better
living
Add a comma
living,
show examples
 they receive an unwanted
life
 experience just because they were looking for a better
life
 with a good salary.
Moreover
, another problem is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution, in view of the fact that an agglomeration will produce and through away more garbage. So,
there
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 are just some of the drawbacks and the list can continue. It is believed that
this
 problem is difficult to be solved, but there are many chances
in
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apply
show examples
this
 way
,
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apply
show examples
 if authorities will take the right decisions.
Instead
 of giving fines
for
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to
show examples
 homeless
people
 they should make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 easier and help them with some grants.
This
 crucial decision needs to be applied in order to see in the society a moving improvement.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be great if
people
will be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 encouraged to stay in
a the
Choose an article
the
show examples
 rural areas and give
then
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 more opportunities and better salaries in their own home villages.
To sum up
, moving to a city from a rural area is a more popular topic
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. It may cause
significand
Correct your spelling
significant
show examples
 drawbacks and challenges for the economic sector and for the environment.
Nevertheless
, it can be solved with the right decisions made by the authorities.
Submitted by nicolletameriacri on

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General
To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will help avoid any potential confusion for the reader.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and details to strengthen your argument and provide concrete evidence for your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Improving these aspects will enhance the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the issues of economic imbalance and pollution resulting from rural-to-urban migration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the essay in a structured manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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