Not many young people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? How should they be encouraged to attend?
In recent years, a number of young individuals in
the
various countries of the world have not taken part in different Correct article usage
apply
concerts
or plays. While
Correct word choice
This
this
can be attributed to the high-priced
of Correct word choice
high number
ticket
and to Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
develop
Replace the word
development
technology
.
Different problems arise Change preposition
of technology
as a result
of this
situation. One factor contributing to lack
of attitude Correct article usage
the lack
for
shows is that tickets for Change preposition
toward
concerts
and plays can be extremely expensive due to
the fact, the
most popular singers and actors show Correct word choice
that the
in
front of Change preposition
up in
audience
. Add an article
an audience
the audience
As a result
, not ordinary people might be able to afford to go there or might not want to buy high-priced ticket
. In Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
additional
, Replace the word
addition
this
is another reason for the problem is evolve the modern technology. Currently, the
most of the Correct article usage
apply
worldʼs
population Correct your spelling
world's
watch
various Correct subject-verb agreement
watches
concerts
and other events through advenced
technologies Correct your spelling
advanced
such
as smartphones, laptops or tablets . Therefore
, peopleʼs
interest in live Correct your spelling
people's
concerts
and shows has been becoming more deacresed
since 21-century.
There are diverse ways by which Correct your spelling
decreased
this
problem can be mitigated. Firstly
, this
situation might be changed for the better by offering discounted ticket
or special rates for students and young adults. If Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
ticket
prices are lowered, numerous young persons will definitely start attending live recitals and other events. Secondly
, a variety of genres ought to offered
which can attract a broader audience with different styles in music and Add a missing verb
be offered
theater
. Change the spelling
theatre
Moreover
, schools and community organizations ought to promoted
cultural engagement among young people.
In conclusion, Change the verb
promote
while
there are some factors that cause these problems, there are solutions to these troubles. There is no any
reason for young adults not to take pleasure in Correct quantifier usage
apply
concerts
or plays.Submitted by omondavlat91 on
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introduction conclusion
Make sure your introduction clearly states the topic and presents the issues. You can improve your introduction by stating that high ticket prices and the development of technology are causing fewer young people to attend concerts and plays.
relevant specific examples
Your essay often lacks specific examples to support your points. Providing relevant examples can enhance your arguments and help clarify your ideas. For example, mention a popular concert that had ticket price issues or a technology that facilitates virtual concerts.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can be improved. For example, 'lack of attitude for shows' should be 'lack of interest in shows' and 'evolve the modern technology' should be 'the advancement of modern technology.'
complete response
The essay addresses the question directly by discussing both the reasons for the issue and potential solutions.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
supported main points
You have provided multiple solutions to the problem, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example