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Band 4

Many people are working longer hours. What are the reasons and effects?

#people #hours #effects
Many
people
 are busy with
work
.
this
 can be attributed to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
money
 or
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 and it can have wide-ranging connections sequences not being able to spend
time
 with their family and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not able to relax in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life Many
people
 should make
money
 because all
people
 want to be rich
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 who earn a lot of
money
. if they have enough
money
, they can change their
lives
 for the better. you will go from a poor life to a good life. You can buy anything you want . you can provide for your family
for example
 you can send your children to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 school or you can buy what your kids want. if
people
work
 more they will gain more experience and start earning better
money
. if they are experienced, they can
work
 on big campaigns. Everyone wants to make
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 because only experienced
people
 can do it, they go a long way and
work
 hard for it. a person with a position is respected by many. Everyone wants to spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
 with their family because family
so
Add a missing verb
is so
show examples
 important
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
lives
 . if something happens, their family is always there for them Many
people
 do not spend much
time
 with their families to earn
money
 or always busy with
work
.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a result, the number of divorces is increasing because they do not spend much
time
 with their families. some
people
 spend their
lives
 working they do not even think about rest.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a result, they harm their health, they need to rest from
time
 to
time
 Scientists say that some
people
 spend 80% of their
lives
 working
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Structure your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will enhance the clarity and readability of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This will make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
general
Review grammar and spelling to avoid small errors that can detract from the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both reasons and effects, which is central to the task.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to offer a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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