IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Cars damage the environment and their use is increasing. Why? How can this be controlled?

It is generally admissible that
cars
Use synonyms
 play an important role in the contemporary era.
Due to
Linking Words
 its
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
, the large
numerous
Correct your spelling
number of
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 users damage the environment and their use is growing. From my perspective, the
government
Use synonyms
 can control and promulgate
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
show examples
 for
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems. In essence, there are several reasons why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
cars
Change the noun form
car
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 production and utilization are increasing in
fast-paced
Add an article
a fast-paced
show examples
 world.
To begin
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 with, in developing nations,
cars
Use synonyms
 are considered as a status symbol that
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
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 self-esteem and
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 practical value. Not only that,
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
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 assist people to have
ability
Add an article
the ability
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 of flexibility of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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instead
Linking Words
 of public transportation.
This
Linking Words
 mode of vehicle does away with the hassles of purchasing tickets
such
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 as trains and buses and
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
late situations. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, people can follow other pursuits at their convenience
instead
Linking Words
 of depending on public transportation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should enact
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
show examples
 of
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 to protect our environment. Since a huge amount of
using
Verb problem
people use
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cars
Use synonyms
, which discharge much toxic
smogs
Correct subject-verb agreement
smog
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 and cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serious pollution. The
government
Use synonyms
 should
stricter
Add a missing verb
have stricter
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 laws related to emission standards and
this
Linking Words
 would cut down the average amount of pollution from private
cars
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, they could reduce the cost of tickets to encourage
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to move by public vehicles to avoid
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fossil fuel
is
Wrong verb form
being
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 exhausted. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
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, Individuals are unlikely to change their behavior so it falls to policymakers to dissuade citizens through proactive reforms.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
cars
Use synonyms
 bring many benefits for people in the world,
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can cause to risks for environment. From my point of view, the
government
Use synonyms
 should limit their use and encourage
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to utilize public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
.

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task achievement
Expand your ideas and provide more detailed explanations to strengthen your argument. For example, explain how the convenience of cars affects people’s daily lives in more detail.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific government policies or instances where car use has been successfully managed in certain cities or countries.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that sets out the main idea of the paragraph. This will help to improve the overall logical structure and connectivity of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your sentences flow smoothly from one to another. Using linking words and phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'consequently,' and 'in addition' can help to make your writing more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
You have touched on both the causes of the problem and potential solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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