IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The diagrams illustrate the changes in Grange
Park
 from 1920 to the present. The
park
 has undergone significant modifications, transforming from a primarily green space into a more versatile area with modern amenities. In 1920, Grange
Park
 featured several rose gardens, a fountain, a stage for musicians, and a glasshouse. Notably, the
park
also
 included a pond for water plants. Seating was available throughout the
park
, allowing visitors to enjoy these features. Today, the
park
 has been significantly modernized. The stage has been replaced with an amphitheatre for concerts, catering to larger audiences. The glasshouse and pond have been replaced by a café and a children’s play area, respectively, enhancing the
park
’s appeal to families.
Additionally
, an underground car
park
 has been introduced near Eldon Street to accommodate visitors,
while
 a water feature has been added, maintaining some elements of natural beauty. The rose gardens have been reduced to two, with one central garden surrounded by seating, simplifying the layout
while
 preserving some historical aspects.
Overall
, Grange
Park
 has evolved from a traditional green space to a multifunctional
park
, reflecting the changing needs and preferences of its visitors.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task achievement
The essay is very strong overall. To reach the highest band, consider adding more specific details. For instance, mention the exact positions of the new features compared to the old ones if known.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, you could introduce more varied linking words and phrases to connect the different elements of the park in both time periods. This would help to make the narrative flow even more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, covering all the major changes and offering insightful comparisons.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is strong, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, with specific examples that illustrate the changes in the park.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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