IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

#students #school #money
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Today, a number of students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have graduated high
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schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 but do not know the way to manage their
money
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. What problems are associated with
this
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, and what are some possible solutions? There are two reasons for
this
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 question. The first reason is affected by
school
Add an article
the school
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. Nowadays many
schools
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 go back to basics do not focus on
social
Correct article usage
the social
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skills
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 of
children
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, they are always important to lecture
by
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on
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 core subjects
such
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 as science,
english
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English
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 and maths.
Besides
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
schools
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 think that students do not earn
money
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, so they feel unimportant to learn the way how to manage their
money
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. Another reason is parental mistakes. Parents work eager beaver to take care of their
children
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 without paying attention to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
Use synonyms
children’s
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skills
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.
This
Linking Words
 problem
causes
Verb problem
is
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 dangerous to the future of their
children
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, who can contribute to their country. Many parents can not make head
nor
Correct word choice
or
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 tail of the important social
skills
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, they often take a lot of time to earn
money
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. There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
schools
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 should add some extracurricular activities. They can additional
imformations
Correct your spelling
information
 about
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children’s
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skills
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 which are necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 the future of their
children
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. Many
shools
Correct your spelling
schools
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 need to focus on
professional
Add an article
the professional
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 development of their
children
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.
For parents
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Parents
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 who often spend a lot of time earning
money
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 need to learn the way how to develop
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Use synonyms
children’s
Correct pronoun usage
their children’s
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skills
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.
Besides
Linking Words
, they should be more talk with their
children
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. It gives students the chance to improve their social
skills
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. In conclusion, there are various factors leading to
be not
Change the verb form
not manage
show examples
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
Use synonyms
children’s
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money
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 and can be implemented to tackle
this
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 issue
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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task achievement
Work on providing a clearer and more focused thesis statement in the introduction to specify your main points better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to link ideas within and between paragraphs for better logical structure.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and precision to make your writing clearer and easier to understand.
task achievement
The essay addresses both reasons and solutions to the issue, providing a balanced response.
task achievement
Attempts to focus on both school and parental influences show an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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