Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue their work. To what extent do you agree?
These days the wages paid to the artists are so low. They should get financial aid from the
government
so that they can continue their endeavours. I strongly agree with this
statement, in this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will discuss why it is necessary for the Change the capitalization
I
government
should help financially with the artist
work.
As the matter of the fact, it is unlikely for governments to give financial help to every sector owing to the limited amounts of funds they own. Change noun form
artist's
However
, the art
plays crucial
role in historical heritage and national culture. Add an article
a crucial
Due to
this
reason, it has impact
on the rich history and values. Another thing is that, if museums Add an article
an impact
flooded
with unique artworks, it can involve Add a missing verb
are flooded
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
foreighn
visitors. In Correct your spelling
foreign
this
way that
Correct determiner usage
apply
art
can refund the money received from state revenue and can bring a huge income for government
.
Add an article
the government
Additionally
, the
Correct article usage
apply
art
contributes the
improvement of Change preposition
to the
youngsters
individual development. There Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
is
numerous Correct subject-verb agreement
are
field
in Fix the agreement mistake
fields
that
people can find interest and do education in Correct word choice
which
that
fields. Most of the Correct determiner usage
those
youngs
studying in the field Correct your spelling
young
that they
will get Correct pronoun usage
apply
high
salary Correct article usage
a high
although
, they do
not interested in these subjects. Verb problem
are
For instance
the
students who are fond of doing Correct article usage
apply
art
want to career in art
but still they choose high-salary occupations such
as IT and computer science in terms of wages.
In conclusion, the government
should provide funds to showcase the country's culture and traditions in artworks and support the continued work of artists.Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on
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task achievement
Your essay has potential, but to make your argument stronger, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. In your first body paragraph, elaborate on how art museums can attract foreign visitors and provide statistics or a real-world example if possible.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced and concluded your essay, which is good. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use transitional phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to connect your points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need more support and elaboration. For example, in your second body paragraph, explain how financial support for artists can directly improve their productivity and society as a whole. Provide additional detail and make your paragraphs more developed.
general
Work on correcting some grammar and punctuation errors throughout your essay. Be mindful of sentence structure and aim for a more formal tone in your writing. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have made a clear argument in your essay and supported it with valid points.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces your argument for government funding for artists.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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