IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue their work. To what extent do you agree?

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These days the wages paid to the artists are so low. They should get financial aid from the
government
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 so that they can continue their endeavours. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement, in
this
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essay
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essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss why it is necessary for the
government
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 should help financially with the
artist
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artist's
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 work. As the matter of the fact, it is unlikely for governments to give financial help to every sector owing to the limited amounts of funds they own.
However
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, the
art
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 plays
crucial
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a crucial
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 role in historical heritage and national culture.
Due to
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this
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 reason, it has
impact
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an impact
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 on the rich history and values. Another thing is that, if museums
flooded
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are flooded
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 with unique artworks, it can involve
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
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foreighn
Correct your spelling
foreign
 visitors. In
this
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 way
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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art
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 can refund the money received from state revenue and can bring a huge income for
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government
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the government
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.
Additionally
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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art
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 contributes
the
Change preposition
to the
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 improvement of
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
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individual development. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 numerous
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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 in
that
Correct word choice
which
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 people can find interest and do education in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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fields. Most of the
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
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 studying in the field
that they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will get
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary
although
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, they
do
Verb problem
are
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 not interested in these subjects.
For instance
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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students who are fond of doing
art
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 want to career in
art
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 but still they choose high-salary occupations
such
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 as IT and computer science in terms of wages. In conclusion, the
government
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 should provide funds to showcase the country's culture and traditions in artworks and support the continued work of artists.

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task achievement
Your essay has potential, but to make your argument stronger, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. In your first body paragraph, elaborate on how art museums can attract foreign visitors and provide statistics or a real-world example if possible.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced and concluded your essay, which is good. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use transitional phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to connect your points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need more support and elaboration. For example, in your second body paragraph, explain how financial support for artists can directly improve their productivity and society as a whole. Provide additional detail and make your paragraphs more developed.
general
Work on correcting some grammar and punctuation errors throughout your essay. Be mindful of sentence structure and aim for a more formal tone in your writing. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have made a clear argument in your essay and supported it with valid points.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces your argument for government funding for artists.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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