Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue their work. To what extent do you agree?

#artists #salaries #government #work

These days the wages paid to the artists are so low. They should get financial aid from the

government

so that they can continue their endeavours. I strongly agree with

this

statement, in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

Change the capitalization

show examples

will discuss why it is necessary for the

government

should help financially with the

artist

Change noun form

artist's

show examples

work. As the matter of the fact, it is unlikely for governments to give financial help to every sector owing to the limited amounts of funds they own.

However

, the

art

plays

crucial

Add an article

a crucial

show examples

role in historical heritage and national culture.

Due to

this

reason, it has

impact

Add an article

an impact

show examples

on the rich history and values. Another thing is that, if museums

flooded

Add a missing verb

are flooded

show examples

with unique artworks, it can involve

world wide

Correct your spelling

worldwide

show examples

foreighn

Correct your spelling

foreign

visitors. In

this

way

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

art

can refund the money received from state revenue and can bring a huge income for

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

Additionally

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

art

contributes

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

improvement of

youngsters

Change noun form

youngsters'

youngster's

show examples

individual development. There

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

numerous

field

Fix the agreement mistake

fields

show examples

that

Correct word choice

which

show examples

people can find interest and do education in

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

fields. Most of the

youngs

Correct your spelling

young

show examples

studying in the field

that they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will get

high

Correct article usage

a high

show examples

salary

although

, they

Verb problem

are

show examples

not interested in these subjects.

For instance

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

students who are fond of doing

art

want to career in

art

but still they choose high-salary occupations

such

as IT and computer science in terms of wages. In conclusion, the

government

should provide funds to showcase the country's culture and traditions in artworks and support the continued work of artists.

Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on Thu Jul 25 2024

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task achievement

Your essay has potential, but to make your argument stronger, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. In your first body paragraph, elaborate on how art museums can attract foreign visitors and provide statistics or a real-world example if possible.

coherence cohesion

You have introduced and concluded your essay, which is good. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use transitional phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to connect your points.

coherence cohesion

Your main points need more support and elaboration. For example, in your second body paragraph, explain how financial support for artists can directly improve their productivity and society as a whole. Provide additional detail and make your paragraphs more developed.

general

Work on correcting some grammar and punctuation errors throughout your essay. Be mindful of sentence structure and aim for a more formal tone in your writing. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.

task achievement

You have made a clear argument in your essay and supported it with valid points.

task achievement

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces your argument for government funding for artists.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

244 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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