IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Numerous
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
individuals are sure that the only way to
attend for
Verb problem
get
show examples
 a good
job
Use synonyms
 is to finish
Use synonyms
university
Correct pronoun usage
their university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 course,
while
Linking Words
 others claim
to begin
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 after
comleting
Correct your spelling
completing
 school and
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquiring
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 in the environment of
work
Use synonyms
.It is agreed that completing
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 course
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 the chances of getting a good
job
Use synonyms
 in the future.Analysing the advantages of completing
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
academy
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 course,
as well as
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 capability of both gaining practical and theoretical
experience
Use synonyms
 will prove
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
successful
 finishing a
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is able to provide theoretical
knowledge
Use synonyms
,critical thinking skills,and
specilized
Correct your spelling
specialized
specialised
 expertise in a specific field.
For instance
Linking Words
,employers often seek candidates with higher
education
Use synonyms
 qualifications for roles that require a deep understanding of the subject matter,
such
Linking Words
 as engineering,medicine and law.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means attending
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
job
Use synonyms
understanding
Correct word choice
and understanding
show examples
 specific
knowledge
Use synonyms
 increasing the chances of accepting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interested companies.
Therefore
Linking Words
 that makes completing
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 can be
advantegeous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 in securing a good
job
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,a balanced perspective might consider the value of both higher
education
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
expirience
Correct your spelling
experience
.
For example
Linking Words
,some students might benefit from internships or
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
part-time
work
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 studying at
university
Use synonyms
,thereby gaining practical
experience
Use synonyms
 that complements their academic learning.Which you are
uncapable
Correct your spelling
incapable
 of getting gaining only practical
experience
Use synonyms
.
That's
Unnecessary verb
That
show examples
 means acquiring a
well-payed
Correct your spelling
well-paid
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 will be much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier with both of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
skils
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
. To summarise,students with
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
academy
Replace the word
academic
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 have more chances of acquiring
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a highly
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
,capable of
knowledge
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
,rather than candidates who only know practical matters.It is agreed that completing
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 educational institution
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more benefits
over
Change preposition
than
show examples
 leaving school for practical gain in the world of
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is recommended
getting
Change the verb form
to get
show examples
 an educational institution
education
Use synonyms
 rather
acquiring
Change preposition
than acquiring
show examples
 all the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in the world of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your essay provides a balanced view but could benefit from more concrete examples to support the arguments. Consider adding specific scenarios or statistics to bolster your main points.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. This will help in achieving better logical flow and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure, as there are a few errors that can detract from the overall clarity of your ideas. Proofreading your essay before submission can help catch these mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the debate and your position, which is crucial for a well-structured essay.
task response
You've attempted to incorporate a balanced perspective by discussing both the value of university education and work experience, which adds depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized expertise
  • on-the-job training
  • work experience
  • financial independence
  • career growth
  • hands-on experience
  • balanced perspective
  • internships
  • part-time work
  • academic learning
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • personal circumstances
  • financial constraints
  • career goals
  • individual aptitudes
  • well-paying careers
  • satisfying careers
  • specialized training
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