IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that listening to music can be a useful way to improve the efficiency, but others believe that music distracts from daily routine. Give your opinion to this statement.

#people #music #efficiency #distracts
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There is no denying the fact that
people
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 prefer listening to
music
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that, some communities believe that listening to
music
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 can be a beneficial way to enhance efficiency, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that musical activities distract
people
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 from performing their daily routine. In begin, most
music
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 nowadays has a noisy tune.
In other words
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, implementing kinds of
music
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 in the daily routine will be impacts negatively the ear's health
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
people
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 could need long treatments.
In addition
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, the communities who like listening to
music
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 every
day
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 will not be able to separate
this
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 behaviour from their routine which causes them to distract others from focusing on the goals or tasks if they need to do duties outside or around
people
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,
also
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 some nations not prefer listening to
music
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 that
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 of their religions.
For example
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, Islamic
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 allow
people
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 to play
music
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due to
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 Islamic reasons. Another point to be considered,
music
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it
Correct your spelling
is
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 designed and developed for
people
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 to enjoy in their leisure time. It is
also
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 possible to say that, mixing between the productive
day
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 tasks and musical will lead nations to lose the fun meaning of
music
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.
Moreover
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,
music
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 sounds will make them off the development moods all
day
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while
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 hearing.
For instance
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, studies have shown, that around 50% of regular
music
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-listening
people
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 are less productive than normal
people
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. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I consider that
,
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apply
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 hearing
music
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 all
day
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 has significant negative effects on
people
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,
whereas
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 it should increase awareness about the health harmful sides.
Submitted by balqassab3 on

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introduction conclusion
Refine the introduction for clarity and completeness, ensuring it properly introduces the main ideas and positions both views clearly.
logical structure
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on connecting ideas more smoothly. Ensure each paragraph transitions well to the next with clear linkages. Use more cohesive devices where necessary.
supported main points
Strengthen the main points by elaborating more and using specific examples that clearly support your arguments. Broaden the perspective to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
complete response
Ensure to fully address the prompt by fairly balancing the discussion of both views before giving your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make your ideas clearer by using precise language and avoiding ambiguity. Proofread to catch errors that may obscure meaning.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points. This will help in making your argument stronger and more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have a clear standpoint on the issue. Your position is evident throughout the essay, which is crucial for a strong argument.
complete response
The essay attempts to address both views, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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