As transport and accomodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of moving businesses to rural areas outweigh its advantages?
The said progressive cities
has
contributed Change the verb form
have
problems
Change preposition
to problems
such
as accommodation and in
transportation. These issues Change preposition
apply
has
fairly Change the verb form
have
lead
the Wrong verb form
led
people
and the government to form
Verb problem
take
an
action with regard to Remove the article
apply
this
city
’s conflict. The government believes that businesses
crowding the city
must be deployed to rural areas to minimize the problem.
One of the disadvantages in
transferring Change preposition
of
businesses
to rural areas will be, it
will change the peaceful environment and the simple lifestyle that the Correct word choice
that it
people
used to have. Since,
the rural has not adapted yet Remove the comma
apply
the
urbanization that these huge Change preposition
to the
businesses
bring to the area. The people
as well as
some of the places will be enormously maximized by the businesses
and interfere with their everyday lives. Some local businesses
will be affected as well. One of the examples is the local market or sales. Due to
more
advanced and complex that these Correct article usage
the more
businesses
will offer, people
will opt to inquire and indulge with
Change preposition
in
it’s
enticing services Replace the word
its
instead
.
On the other hand
, some people
will take advantage of this
Correct determiner usage
these
businesses
, they will be landing greater and much opportunities especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
with
those lacking Change preposition
for
of
jobs. It will increase the economy from drought. SinceRemove the preposition
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
busineeses
require more manpower to run Correct your spelling
businesses
its
job.
Correct pronoun usage
their
Also
, this
will possibly reduce the crowd of this
bustling city
have
. It will enhance Unnecessary verb
apply
the
transportation and communication towards companies and sectors. Correct article usage
apply
This
enhancement will be utilized to gain large amount
of sales and Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
thus
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
economy
with the expansion or Correct article usage
the economy
transferring
of the Replace the word
transfer
businesses
. It will give people
more convenience when it comes to shopping and acquiring jobs.
To summarize, moving businesses
from city
to rural Correct article usage
the city
area
will help expand Fix the agreement mistake
areas
its
source of income rather than Correct pronoun usage
their
declining
it. Wrong verb form
decline
This
govenrment’s
decision will Correct your spelling
government’s
also
maintain management of the city
well enough to run the businesses
for everyone’s convenience and well being
.Add a hyphen
well-being
Submitted by dhowardjacob on
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task achievement
Focus on more clearly defining and elaborating on your main points. Doing so will provide depth and clarity to your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, aim for clearer transitions between ideas. Use linking words and phrases to ensure that your essay flows smoothly. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
language accuracy
Ensure subject-verb agreements and correct use of tenses to improve the readability and accuracy of your essay. For instance, 'has contributed' should be 'have contributed', and 'has fairly lead' should be 'has fairly led'.
task achievement
You show a balanced perspective by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, which is very important for bolstering your task response score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which reflects a clear structure and organization.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.