At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compered with number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?
Nowadays,
some
countries portion of young adults increasing rather than elderly Change preposition
in some
people
. This
essay will examine the benefit
and Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
drawbacks
of population
between different age ranges.
The two main advantages of going up to young people
population
are boost
Fix the infinitive
to boost
country's
economy and keep pace with Correct article usage
the country's
globalized
world. Add an article
the globalized
Firstly
, young people
spend their life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
approximatly
40% percentage of their work. Correct your spelling
approximately
Hence
, its
Correct pronoun usage
it
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
country
's renevue
. Correct your spelling
revenue
revue
Secondly
, young individiuals
tend to be more open-minded rather than Correct your spelling
individuals
eldery
individuals. Correct your spelling
elderly
Today's
world, it is important to catch new changes Change preposition
In today's
fastly
. Rephrase
fast
For instance
, young adults often
more talented using Add a missing verb
are often
computer
.
But Fix the agreement mistake
computers
decline
of older Add an article
the decline
people
also
has some drawbacks
. Firstly
, they have significant
range of Add an article
a significant
experince
generally. Correct your spelling
experience
Thus
, they lead more
Change preposition
to more
succesfuly
Correct your spelling
successful
some
problems. Correct quantifier usage
apply
For example
, many country's
Change noun form
countries'
president
have to Change to a plural noun
presidents
more
than 40-45 years old because prevent the lack of Add a missing verb
be more
knowladge
about political issues. Correct your spelling
knowledge
In addition
, specially
for working parents Replace the word
especially
in
Change preposition
at
young
age, they do not find a person Correct article usage
a young
for
look after their child. Some grandparents have Change preposition
to
very
important role Add an article
a very
for
children's Change preposition
in
grow
. Lack of Replace the word
growth
adults
Change the noun form
adult
population
also
this
kind of drawbacks
bring to with.
In conclusion, although
ratio
of old Add an article
the ratio
people
decline Change noun form
people's
have
certain negative effects, increasing Correct subject-verb agreement
has
young
Correct article usage
the young
population
has an extremely positive effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
extremely positive effects
an extremely positive effect
for
Change preposition
on
country's
income. I believe that Correct article usage
the country's
this
benefits Correct determiner usage
these
outweight
its Correct your spelling
outweigh
drawbacks
.Submitted by bkardelenyilmazz on
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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. There are several grammatical mistakes and awkward sentences that can hinder comprehension. Focus on subject-verb agreement and proper use of tenses.
examples
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. For instance, instead of just saying young adults are better with computers, you could give a specific example of a young entrepreneur who revolutionized a tech industry.
task response
Make sure to clearly address both sides of the argument. The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the disadvantages of having a predominantly young population.
structure
You've provided a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in understanding your main points.
topic understanding
The topic is understood well, and you have made a strong attempt to cover both advantages and disadvantages.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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