IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

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These days,It is becoming more and more popular for
children
Use synonyms
 to have a considerable
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
.As a matter of fact,
parents
Use synonyms
 have been purchasing
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of various
toys
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
 in recent years.There is no doubt that there are some advantages and disadvantages of having
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,I will address some benefits and drawbacks of having a huge
number
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 of
toys
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
. Let's begin by looking at some merits of
this
Linking Words
 topic.One of the main benefits is that
children
Use synonyms
 have
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
choise
Correct your spelling
choices
 (
toys
Use synonyms
) to play with themselves or their friends.Clearly,If
parents
Use synonyms
 provide a
subtantial
Correct your spelling
substantial
number
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 of
toys
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 for their
children
Use synonyms
,
kids
Use synonyms
 will be amused with their
toys
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.Another striking merit is that they do not feel jealous about other
children
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's
toys
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 having most of them.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,when
kids
Use synonyms
 have a considerable
number
Use synonyms
 of options to play,they do not feel the lack of access to
toys
Use synonyms
 compared to other
children
Use synonyms
. Turning to the other side of the argument,having an enormous
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 some demerits.
Firstly
Linking Words
,they are expected to have more
toys
Use synonyms
,because they know that
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 purchase for them.
In other words
Linking Words
,not only do
kids
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 expect to have all of
Use synonyms
toys
Add an article
the toys
show examples
,but
also
Linking Words
 they
acusstomed
Correct your spelling
accustomed
 to get everything,even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 do not require them.
Secondly
Linking Words
,If
parents
Use synonyms
 buy a huge
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 for their
kids
Use synonyms
,they may face
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of financial problems so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will not be able to pay for more
toys
Use synonyms
.It is considered that,having expenditure on a significant
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 on family's financial circumstances.
To conclude
Linking Words
,despite the fact that providing
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some pros
such
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 as entertainment and freedom to select options,It may
also
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 include some cons like influencing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
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's mindset and
parent's
Change noun form
parents'
show examples
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
.

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language
Try to avoid small grammatical errors and typos to improve clarity. For example, "alot" should be "a lot" and "acusstomed" should be "accustomed."
content development
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
coherence
Use more connectors and transition phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that provide a good framework for your argument.
content relevance
The main points you address are relevant to the topic and well-supported.
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