IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #theadvantages #child
These days,It is becoming more and more popular for
children
 to have a considerable
number
 of
toys
.As a matter of fact,
parents
 have been purchasing
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of various
toys
 for their
children
 in recent years.There is no doubt that there are some advantages and disadvantages of having
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
toys
 for
children
.In
this
 essay,I will address some benefits and drawbacks of having a huge
number
 of
toys
 for
children
. Let's begin by looking at some merits of
this
 topic.One of the main benefits is that
children
 have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
choise
Correct your spelling
choices
 (
toys
) to play with themselves or their friends.Clearly,If
parents
 provide a
subtantial
Correct your spelling
substantial
number
 of
toys
 for their
children
,
kids
 will be amused with their
toys
.Another striking merit is that they do not feel jealous about other
children
's
toys
due to
 having most of them.
That is
 to say,when
kids
 have a considerable
number
 of options to play,they do not feel the lack of access to
toys
 compared to other
children
. Turning to the other side of the argument,having an enormous
number
 of
toys
 for
children
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 some demerits.
Firstly
,they are expected to have more
toys
,because they know that
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 purchase for them.
In other words
,not only do
kids
 expect to have all of
toys
Add an article
the toys
show examples
,but
also
 they
acusstomed
Correct your spelling
accustomed
 to get everything,even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 do not require them.
Secondly
,If
parents
 buy a huge
number
 of
toys
 for their
kids
,they may face
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of financial problems so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will not be able to pay for more
toys
.It is considered that,having expenditure on a significant
number
 of
toys
 might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 on family's financial circumstances.
To conclude
,despite the fact that providing
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
toys
 for
children
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some pros
such
 as entertainment and freedom to select options,It may
also
 include some cons like influencing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
's mindset and
parent's
Change noun form
parents'
show examples
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Try to avoid small grammatical errors and typos to improve clarity. For example, "alot" should be "a lot" and "acusstomed" should be "accustomed."
content development
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
coherence
Use more connectors and transition phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that provide a good framework for your argument.
content relevance
The main points you address are relevant to the topic and well-supported.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: