IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Young people have been gradually far away from reading stories since they have access to a huge range of stories online in the form of video games or movies.To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #stories #access #range #form #video #games #movies
We live in an age when many of us are less self-conscious about consuming new information.With the proliferation of digital media, in recent years,adolescents prefer to play different
games
 or watch movies
instead
 of reading
stories
 traditionally.
While
 it is undeniable that the accessibility of online
stories
 transformed the way younger generations receive narratives,I believe that reading tales via book
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
still useful and should not be forgotten. First and foremost,it is crucial to acknowledge that rapid technological development
have
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has
show examples
considerably influenced
choices
Correct article usage
the choices
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 of young
people
. Movies and
video
games
 charm viewers and offer interactive information in ways that traditional
books
 might not.As a piece of evidence, captivating worlds and
stories
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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found in popular
video
games
 can create a feeling of participation that reading doesn't provide.
As a result
 of
this
,young
people
favor
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favour
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video
games
 over reading
books
.
Furthermore
, with
Correct article usage
the promoting
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promoting
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promotion
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social
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of social
show examples
 media and streaming platforms,like YouTube,teenagers of
Add an article
the 21-st
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21-st
Correct your spelling
21st
 century
sees
Correct subject-verb agreement
see
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this opportunities
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this opportunity
these opportunities
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 as more appealing than dedicating time to reading
book
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books
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.
However
,it is significant to notice that
this
 trend doesn't indicate total abandonment of reading.There are numerous
evidence
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of evidence
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 that many adolescents continue to read paper
books
,but their choices sometimes might differ from previous generations.Nowadays,teenagers are keen on reading science fiction,fantasy,horror and psychological
books
 and
stories
.In many cases,these
books
 are being adapted into films,they can complement each other.From my point of view,these
people
 who work with adolescents need to foster a passion for reading by incorporating
books
 and
video
 content in order to encourage young
people
 to appreciate both formats. In conclusion, reading
stories
 in
books
 is a necessary part of human existence.
While
 online
stories
 in movies and
video
games
 changed how young
people
 experience narratives,
this
 doesn't mean they are completely turning away from reading.
Instead
,it is visible that storytelling is evolving.Young
people
 are still reading,but they are doing it in different ways in a digital world.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve an even higher score, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, thereby enhancing the overall flow of your essay. Additionally, consider varying sentence structure to maintain reader interest.
task achievement
For an improved task response, incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides a balanced view, preparing the reader for the discussion ahead.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of reading in the context of modern digital trends.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt fully, discussing both the influence of digital media and the continued relevance of traditional reading.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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