IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #discuss
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A learning curve is essential for growth. Few people argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach their children how to become a better part of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that it is the responsibility of the schools.
According to
Linking Words
 me, both parties should play their part in the development of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation towards the betterment of our community. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will explain about
this
Linking Words
 issue. First of all,
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
 process of the kids began from their house. They will see and learn from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 how they behave with others,
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 good and bad habits. Home is the first learning place for any kids and their elders are their first teachers
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 their mothers. Because, in the
initials
Change the noun form
initial
show examples
 years they spend most of the time with their moms. That's why, they have the main duty to teach their kids
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
basics
Change the noun form
basic
show examples
 skills and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 to be an active and effective member of
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 in which they are living. During early
childhood
Add a comma
childhood,
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 learn almost everything from their
parents
Use synonyms
 and other family members. They should focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
initial
Add an article
the initial
show examples
 development of their child and teach them good manners
for instance
Linking Words
, how to respect
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 and how to help each other.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 some schools of
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
show examples
, it is the responsibility of their teacher to make young ones good part of the circle. When they
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 going to school the teacher is the most influential individual that can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their behavior. Little ones treat their teacher as their
parents
Use synonyms
 and agree on all the things
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
. In these initial
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 it is very important to teach them
basics
Correct article usage
the basics
show examples
 of living in a happy population and make it better with their presence. What students learn
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
the starts
show examples
starts
Fix the agreement mistake
start
show examples
 of their education will stay with them for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 lifetimes so it's very important to provide them with
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 base and provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society with
finer
Add an article
the finer
a finer
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
. In conclusion, it is the duty of both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators
show examples
 to focus on the growth of their younger ones and help them to bring a positive change in the public.
Submitted by ijazwamiq on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main points. Providing deeper explanations or more examples can strengthen your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument to maintain clarity and structure.
task achievement
Your introduction successfully outlines both views and presents your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarily and effectively wraps up the discussion and reiterates your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: