It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that the traditional
cultures
will be forgotten due to
the technological advancement. Whilst others
disagree and think that both of them can coexist. Correct word choice
Others
This
essay will analyse the notion in the ensuing paragraphs.
It is evident that nowadays, human's
dependency on Change noun form
human
technology
has rapidly increased. let's consider the example of the development of mobile phones. During the late twentieth century and early 2000s, cellular phones could be used only to make calls and send messages. However
, due to
the development of science, more and more features were added to the cellphones, such
as video calls, online videos, internet
, games, cameras, etc. The whole world is now at our fingertips. Correct article usage
the internet
Technology
is assisting to preserve the culture to
future generations Change preposition
of
as well as
providing us with an opportunity to learn and understand about different civilization
and traditions across the globe and vice versa.
Fix the agreement mistake
civilizations
On the other hand
, to an extent, technology
has caused damage to traditional cultures
. Art is always connected with various cultures
. The rise of technology
has affected art in one or another way. Many different forms of art, which ceased to exist and were popular have now come to extinction or are on the verge of disappearing. Traditional folklore songs are one such
example.
In conclusion, according to
my opinion, technology
has brought advantages and disadvantages to traditional cultures
. However
, it is our responsibility to safeguard and conserve these traditions and cultures
for the following generations.Submitted by sachin.jose0206 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, aim to clearly delineate each paragraph with a specific point or argument. For example, the second paragraph could focus solely on the positive aspects of technology on culture, while the third addresses the drawbacks.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is well supported with relevant examples and facts. This can not only clarify the argument but also make the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, aim to briefly summarize the main points made in the essay before stating your final opinion. This adds to the coherence and leaves the reader with a clear message.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced viewpoint, acknowledging both the positive and negative impacts of technology on traditional cultures.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the evolution of mobile phones and traditional folklore songs, helps to illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?