IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that the traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
 will be forgotten
due to
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 the technological advancement.
Whilst others
Correct word choice
Others
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 disagree and think that both of them can coexist.
This
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 essay will analyse the notion in the ensuing paragraphs. It is evident that nowadays,
human's
Change noun form
human
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 dependency on
technology
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 has rapidly increased. let's consider the example of the development of mobile phones. During the late twentieth century and early 2000s, cellular phones could be used only to make calls and send messages.
However
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,
due to
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 the development of science, more and more features were added to the cellphones,
such
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 as video calls, online videos,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, games, cameras, etc. The whole world is now at our fingertips.
Technology
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 is assisting to preserve the culture
to
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of
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 future generations
as well as
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 providing us with an opportunity to learn and understand about different
civilization
Fix the agreement mistake
civilizations
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 and traditions across the globe and vice versa.
On the other hand
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, to an extent,
technology
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 has caused damage to traditional
cultures
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. Art is always connected with various
cultures
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. The rise of
technology
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 has affected art in one or another way. Many different forms of art, which ceased to exist and were popular have now come to extinction or are on the verge of disappearing. Traditional folklore songs are one
such
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 example. In conclusion,
according to
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 my opinion,
technology
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 has brought advantages and disadvantages to traditional
cultures
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.
However
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, it is our responsibility to safeguard and conserve these traditions and
cultures
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 for the following generations.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, aim to clearly delineate each paragraph with a specific point or argument. For example, the second paragraph could focus solely on the positive aspects of technology on culture, while the third addresses the drawbacks.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is well supported with relevant examples and facts. This can not only clarify the argument but also make the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, aim to briefly summarize the main points made in the essay before stating your final opinion. This adds to the coherence and leaves the reader with a clear message.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced viewpoint, acknowledging both the positive and negative impacts of technology on traditional cultures.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the evolution of mobile phones and traditional folklore songs, helps to illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • advancement
  • globalization
  • dilutes
  • traditional cultures
  • social media
  • blending of cultures
  • preservation
  • platforms
  • adaptability
  • technological adaptations
  • uphold
  • consequence
  • integrate
  • cultural frameworks
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