The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effect #trend

Being

over weight

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

or obese means being above a healthy body weight. Over the

last

decade

Add a comma

decade,

show examples

western society has seen a significant hike in the number of overweight

children

This

is majorly

due to

reasons

such

as unhealthy diet, minimal exercise and

food

adulteration.

To begin

with, there has an been increase in the number of fast

food

outlets or restaurants.

This

is primarily because

kids

nowadays are addicted to consuming fast

food

rather than homemade or healthy

food

. As per the report published by World

Food

Authority,

kids

consuming fast

food

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

increased by 30% in comparison to figures issued

last

year

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

Secondly

due to

the busy lifestyles of parents nowadays, barely are they able to dedicate time to take care of

one's

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

children

hence

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

them

store bought

Add a hyphen

store-bought

show examples

food

rather than anything fresh . The working population especially

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

finding it harder day by day to maintain a work-life balance and reserve time for

children

so as to improve their

food

habits . Based on an article that was published

last

month by

Times

Correct article usage

the Times

show examples

of India, an increasing sales trend for

subscription based

Add a hyphen

subscription-based

show examples

food

delivery services delivering fast

food

to schools

were

Correct subject-verb agreement

was

show examples

observed in the

last

ten years. Effects of overweight can affect

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

in many ways, mentally and physically. As evidently seen across news articles, obese

children

progress on to face health issues which can be fatal or

life threatening

Add a hyphen

life-threatening

show examples

. Based on the Annual Medical Census Report, hospitals have seen a 20

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

increase in admissions of

children

suffering from cardiac and liver issues majorly which was caused

due to

unhealthy

diet

Fix the agreement mistake

diets

show examples

. Obese

children

have

also

been identified to have

self confidence

Add a hyphen

self-confidence

show examples

issues

comparitely

Correct your spelling

completely

comparatively

due to

the reason that they stand out because of their weight. It lowers their

self esteem

Add a hyphen

self-esteem

show examples

and morale and often leads to depression. Based on an investigation conducted by

American

Correct article usage

the American

show examples

Childrens

Change noun form

Children's

show examples

Council, 45

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

kids

Change preposition

of kids

show examples

who suffered from depression were identified to be obese. To

recaptitulate

Correct your spelling

recapitulate

, the trend of obesity among

children

that has been observed in the past ten years is highly alarming. Starting from an early age

kids

and parents should be made aware of the causes and effects of having an unhealthy diet . Once these factors are addressed ,anyone and everyone can lead a healthy life and have a better future.

Submitted by keerthy9209 on Fri Jul 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

You have presented a good discussion of the causes and effects of childhood obesity in Western society. However, the argumentation could be more balanced. Consider dedicating equal space to both causes and effects to improve the coherence.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that you avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'There has an been increase' should be corrected to 'There has been an increase'.

task achievement

Provide more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This helps in making your essay more convincing and robust.

coherence cohesion

Consider using more varied transitions, such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition,' to enhance the flow between your paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The introduction is clear and sets up the topic appropriately. There is a good overview of what will be discussed.

task achievement

You used relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

385 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In many countries, the significance of home ownership is highly appreciated. This is because possessing a house can bring owners a sense of tranquillity and safety. From my perspective, however, this phenomenon has detrimental effects on individuals who pursue this purpose.
7.5
band
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people. Why is this? What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites?
Although most places have sites of historical interest and a variety of museums to visit, it is predominantly tourists who come to see them, not local people. This essay will examine the reasons for this before suggesting some possible methods of attracting local people.
7
band
the threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that nuclear arsenals keep the world safe and that nuclear energy is an inexpensive and environmentally friendly power source. This essay totally disagrees that these benefits outweigh the drawbacks because the downsides are the eradication of mankind and the destruction of the planet.
7
band
You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost.
I am writing you to inquire about the work-related seminar where I would like to participate in a different location.
4.5
band
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?
Nowadays more and more professionals that play a key role in the social stability and development, including in the spheres of education and medicine prefer to find a job in more developed countries that provide more opportunities. Evidently, it creates a deficiency and lack of professional help in the above-mentioned spheres. This essay will address the problems such situation causes and conceivable solutions to redress it.

The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people. Why is this? What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites?

the threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You would like to participate in a work-related seminar in another country. Write a letter to the person in charge of the seminar and ask for detailed information regarding the dates, program, accommodation and cost.

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?