IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
Linking Words
 it is widely accused that living in big cities can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
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residential's
Replace the word
residents's
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 health negatively, others argue that there could be countless factors that
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to
medical
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the medical
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 of living in
such
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environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
. The reason why I agree with
this
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 controversial topic will be elaborated on
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this
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in this
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eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
.
To begin
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 with, it may
seems
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seem
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 sensible for some to believe that
situated
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being situated
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 in big cities can be somewhat worrying, especially in terms of
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
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 aspect.
This
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 is
possibly
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possible
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 because
such
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 crowded residential
area
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areas
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 often
expose
Wrong verb form
exposed
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with
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to
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variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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types
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of types
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 of pollution like noise, air, and traffic. Take Bangkok,
for example
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; with a crowded and congested road, full
with
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of
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 pollution from the car
honk
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honking
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 and
fume
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fumes
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from
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apply
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cars is large
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with
other city
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another city
other cities
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 like Loei which is a minor city.
However
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, I personally argue in favour of
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
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 effect of living in major cities seeing that
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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important
Add an article
an important
the important
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 role
of
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in
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 an individual's health. To simply explain,
a
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apply
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good health can
be maintain
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be maintained
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 with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 environment.
Therefore
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, there is
an
Correct article usage
apply
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evident
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evidence
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 shows that people living in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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slum
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slums
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 often sick easily
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with those who
living
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live
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 in private residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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due to
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 poor hygiene.
Morerover
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Moreover
, when
rate
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the rate
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 of sick residents
in
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is
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 on the rise, the greater the expenditure for the government to take care
with
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of
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 as well which might affect
with
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apply
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the unbalanced distribution of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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monetary support. To exemplify, during winter,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 the surge of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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PM 2.5 particles is densely floating in Bangkok, triggering people to have
asthma
Add an article
an asthma
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attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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 and allergies to
be worsen
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worsen
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. In summary,
although
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 it is undeniable that staying in
large
Add an article
the large
a large
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 city
often
Add a missing verb
is often
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 viewed negatively as it mostly
dealt
Wrong verb form
deals
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 with various disturbances: pollution and traffic, I am of the opinion that these
aformentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 factors do affect peoples' quality of life and the government
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to take action toward
those threat
Change the determiner
that threat
those threats
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 in order to promote
a
Remove the article
apply
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better care of their peoples
as well as
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 to reduce medical expenses.

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task achievement
You have answered the prompt well and provided relevant examples. However, there are minor errors in grammar and vocabulary that slightly affect clarity. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly and connects to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay is logically structured with clear transitions between points. Your essay has a logical flow, but sometimes the shifts between paragraphs feel a bit abrupt. Use transition phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
You have included relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning Bangkok and Loei, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and clear, effectively framing your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • respiratory issues
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • noise pollution
  • health facilities
  • mental health
  • physical activities
  • nature contact
  • health problems
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