IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some nations
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 choose to live at home with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 throughout their
education
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, in some come countries many
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to go to different
cities
Use synonyms
 for
university
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there are a few negatives associated with preferring to study in
another
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
, I feel that the possible benefits would be far more considerable. Choosing to live with family during
education
Use synonyms
 leads lack of self-confidence in many
students
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, they try to be independent,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 they usually cannot be successful in
this
Linking Words
 since their families
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still want to control them.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 cannot organize a party as their families do not accept
this
Linking Words
. Regarding,
last
Linking Words
 month one of my
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
, who lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with his family, tried to organize
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 party for his birthday at home but his family did not accept
this
Linking Words
,
therefore
Linking Words
 he used my home.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 studying in different
cities
Use synonyms
 has so many advantages
although
Linking Words
 there are a few drawbacks.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 learn how they can be prepared
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 real life in that they will have many new responsibilities during their
education
Use synonyms
 life in
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
 far away
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 parents. In my experience, two years ago I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
studied
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the UK for
education
Use synonyms
 and I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
realised living abroad
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 taught me many essential things like preparing
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
,
cleaning
Correct word choice
and cleaning
show examples
 my stuff by myself.
Additionally
Linking Words
, going to different
cities
Use synonyms
 or abroad
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 many experiences to
students
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, they can be
intercultural
Add an article
an intercultural
show examples
 person because in abroad and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 or
cities
Use synonyms
 local people have different interesting cultures.
For example
Linking Words
, if you are British and you study in London you can meet with many individuals, who have so different cultures than you.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some people during their
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 choose to live with their family, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others prefer to go to different
cities
Use synonyms
, as I explained my side that studying in
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
cities
Use synonyms
 has more merits. Hopefully, in the future many
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
will
show examples
 have
this
Linking Words
 opportunity like me.
Submitted by burakinancerturac on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and supporting details should be logically grouped around it. Also, avoid repetitive ideas.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your transitions between paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines what your essay will discuss, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Strengthen your main arguments with more specific and diverse examples. Real-life examples can offer more depth to your ideas.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your language is generally clear and you have used a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Your writing has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which demonstrates good organizational skills.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: