The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world scoeity over the the last two centuries.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is medical science and how his changed our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It is undeniable that
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
has become an essential part of our life. Our health is our everything. In our time when all things developing, with them medical developing too. In 20 century scientists opened antibiotics and other vaccines.
Vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
Vaccines
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
the most important thing in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Because vaccines help to fight viruses and help to not ill in future.
Vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
Vaccines
show examples
secrete antibodies and they will remain with us for a long time.
As a result
, from early
childhood
Add a comma
childhood,
show examples
we are given vaccines to prevent getting sick. Another example of
breakthrough
Add an article
a breakthrough
show examples
in medical science is technology devices. Technology devices
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
important
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
in medicine.
For example
3D
printer
Fix the agreement mistake
printers
show examples
, Artificial
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
and etcetera. Artificial intelligence reduces the burden on the healthcare system. Common diseases - cancer, diabetic retinopathy, Alzheimer's disease, COVID-19 - are detected earlier. Another technology is
3D
Correct article usage
the 3D
show examples
printer
makes
Correct pronoun usage
that makes
show examples
prosthetics for people.
For instance
hands, legs prosthetics. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
breakthroughs in
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
are by far the most significant in world society over the
last
two centuries. They made our lives better and
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
our health. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
If there were no breakthroughs in medicine, we would have disappeared long ago.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to clearly structure your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a main idea, supporting points, and a conclusion or summary statement.
coherence cohesion
Make your introduction more engaging by providing a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
task achievement
Some parts of the essay could use more detailed explanation. For example, explain more about how specific technological devices have impacted medical science.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to ensure smooth flow and better readability of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides examples, such as vaccines and technological devices, that support the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and presents a clear opinion on the significance of breakthroughs in medical science.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples, like 3D printing of prosthetics and the discovery of antibiotics, enhance the essay and demonstrate awareness of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: