The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.

#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution #australia

The bar diagram illustrates the total amount of

water

used by six different Australian cities in the

last

year and the pie figure presents the proportion of distributed

water

to its resources in Australia in 2014.

Overall

, the highest is Perth and the

fewest

Correct word choice

lowest

show examples

Canberra

Change noun form

Canberra's

show examples

consumption of

water

Change preposition

apply

show examples

last

year.

Also

pie

Correct article usage

the pie

show examples

chart

highest

Correct article usage

the highest

show examples

per cent used

water

Change preposition

for

show examples

agriculture(67 per cent), the least

water

use

Replace the word

used

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

mining(2 per cent)

To begin

with

bar

Correct article usage

the bar

show examples

chart the highest annual residential

water

consumption in Perth is 300

when

Correct word choice

while

show examples

in Canberra it is 140

kilolitre

Fix the agreement mistake

kilolitres

show examples

per property.

Second

Add an article

The second

show examples

highest consumption of

water

Add a missing verb

is in

show examples

Brisbane 250

kilolitre

Fix the agreement mistake

kilolitres

show examples

and

Adelaide

Change preposition

in Adelaide

show examples

240 kilolitre.

On the other hand

, Households take the second place after Agriculture with 9%. Other industries and manufacturing have exactly the same proportion 4%, So that

water

supply and Electricity, but with 7%.

Submitted by dnm.best on Fri Jul 26 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".

▼

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

142 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

average consumption
distribution
sector
domestic use
industrial use
agricultural use
urban areas
rural areas
trend
resource management
policy implications
ecosystem impact

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