IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution #australia
The bar diagram illustrates the total amount of
water
 used by six different Australian cities in the
last
 year and the pie figure presents the proportion of distributed
water
 to its resources in Australia in 2014.
Overall
, the highest is Perth and the
fewest
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 is
Canberra
Change noun form
Canberra's
show examples
 consumption of
water
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
 year.
Also
 in
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 per cent used
water
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 agriculture(67 per cent), the least
water
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mining(2 per cent)
To begin
 with
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 chart the highest annual residential
water
 consumption in Perth is 300
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 in Canberra it is 140
kilolitre
Fix the agreement mistake
kilolitres
show examples
 per property.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 highest consumption of
water
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 Brisbane 250
kilolitre
Fix the agreement mistake
kilolitres
show examples
 and
Adelaide
Change preposition
in Adelaide
show examples
 240 kilolitre.
On the other hand
, Households take the second place after Agriculture with 9%. Other industries and manufacturing have exactly the same proportion 4%, So that
water
 supply and Electricity, but with 7%.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average consumption
  • distribution
  • sector
  • domestic use
  • industrial use
  • agricultural use
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • trend
  • resource management
  • policy implications
  • ecosystem impact
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