IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In major cities around the world, traffic congestion has become a serious problem. How can this problem be tackled? Give reasons and examples from your own experience

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In
this
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 era, In big cities,
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams have become a serious issue. It is a significant problem that must be overcome to look for a solution. In
this
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 essay, I will provide some opinions on
this
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 matter.
It is clear that
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 nowadays,
traffic
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 congestion is a serious issue in several major cities in the world.
This
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 is because it will make a
lot
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 of
people
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 become stressed and depressed owing to
this
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 issue.
besides
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 that, it will interfere
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people's
Change preposition
with people's
show examples
 arrival at their destination. Probably, they will be late to come to their workplace or their home.
For instance
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, when I visited another city like Jakarta city, I was shocked because I ran into a
traffic
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 jam and came late for the interview even though the office was just around 1 km from my boarding house. Eventually, I was not accepted to work in the company
due to
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this
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 thing. So, the government should find a solution to tackle
this
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 problem.
On the other hand
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,
traffic
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 congestion will make many
people
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 spend a
lot
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 of
time
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 on the road so that they are not productive because their
time
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 be used for work, breaks, sleep and many other.
For example
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, when I was in high school, I once had to make a plan to holiday in some places, but I was stuck in
traffic
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 and
finally
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, I just visited a tourist destination.
Therefore
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,the
time
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 I had planned for a relaxing holiday ended up being wasted on the road, leaving me feeling frustrated and exhausted. In conclusion,
traffic
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 jams have made a
lot
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 of
people
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 become stressed and depressed.
Besides
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, the
people
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 have become late to come to their destination.
On the other hand
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, a
lot
Use synonyms
 Use synonyms It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. of
people
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 just spend their
time
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 on the road and their day has become was not productive owing to their issues.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to make your introduction more concise and avoid repetition. You mention that you will provide opinions, but it would be clearer if you specifically mentioned how you intend to address solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to close your essay with a well-rounded conclusion. It seems like the conclusion was not completed, and you should summarize your points effectively.
task response
In your main body, expand a bit more on potential solutions to traffic congestion to improve the task response.
task response
Work on clearly defining your points. Some ideas feel slightly vague and should be expanded for clarity.
task response
You have included specific examples from your own experience, which enhances the relevance of your response and provides realistic elaboration.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction and body paragraphs that address different aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • public transportation system
  • carpooling
  • ride-sharing apps
  • bicycle lanes
  • pedestrian-friendly
  • congestion pricing
  • peak hours
  • technological solutions
  • smart traffic lights
  • real-time traffic management
  • telecommuting
  • flexible working hours
  • daily commuters
  • road networks
  • rush hours
What to do next:
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