Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#world #adults #home #children #study #technology #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The advancement of

technology

Use synonyms

has dramatically changed humankind’s life. In

this

Linking Words

era, people can work from

everywhere

Replace the word

anywhere

show examples

as long as they connect to internet access.

This

Linking Words

kind of

advantages

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advantage

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also

Linking Words

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

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for

children

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because they do not need to come to class for learning. In fact, they can

also

Linking Words

participate in virtual

class

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classes

show examples

provided by foreign schools or universities. Given the situation, the writer

argue

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argues

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that these features of globalization are beneficial for workers but likely adverse for

children

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. Regarding the first statement, it is incontrovertible that

technology

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has provided many opportunities for job seeker to get their occupation. Remote working is one

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

example of

technological

Correct article usage

a technological

show examples

advantages

Fix the agreement mistake

advantage

show examples

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

individual

Correct article usage

an individual

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from one country can be an employee for an overseas company.

Additionally

Linking Words

, working remotely

also

Linking Words

can be a solution for people who live in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crowded

city

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cities

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such

Linking Words

as Jakarta, so they do not need to deal with

congestion

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congested

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street

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streets

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every day and

Linking Words

consequently

Add a comma

consequently,

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they will use the time to boost their productivity. Meanwhile, studying from home is not recommended for

children

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, unless there is a force majeure situation

such

Linking Words

COVID-19

Correct article usage

the COVID-19

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pandemic which

imposed

Verb problem

forces

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everyone to conduct social distancing. Many psychological research highlighted the importance of face-to-face

meeting

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meetings

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for

children

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

mental health

issue

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issues

show examples

. Engaging directly with their peers and teachers can be the utmost method to

made

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make

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them

learning

Wrong verb form

learn

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about emotions and social interactions.

To sum up

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

technology

Use synonyms

offers many conveniences for human being life, it can be a cause of

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

if we fail to potentially manage the benefits.

However

Linking Words

, regardless of what the author said about the negative

effect

Fix the agreement mistake

effects

show examples

technology

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

Use synonyms

, it does not mean keeping all technological devices away from them.

On the contrary

Linking Words

, schools and

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

had better adjust the education curriculum

on introducing

Change preposition

to introduce

show examples

technology

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

Submitted by vannyelrahman0204 on Fri Jul 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.

task achievement

Introduce more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

Make sure your introduction outlines the main points you will discuss, and that your conclusion summarizes these points clearly. This will provide a more cohesive and structured essay.

task achievement

Avoid making general statements without backing them up with examples or explanations. This will enhance your argument and make your essay more compelling.

task achievement

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your vocabulary and grammar are strong, and the ideas flow logically from one to the next.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

remote work
e-learning
accessibility
inclusive
productivity
personalized learning
disciplined routine
interpersonal skills
cybersecurity
sustainability
work-life balance
physical disabilities

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Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

There is a trend of increasing amounts of consumer goods, which leads to environmental problems. What are the reasons for this trend? Give your own opinion and solutions.

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?