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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, howevr, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is no doubt that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days to teach
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childern
Correct your spelling
children
child
 how to be
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. The question is, why
parents
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to put
children
Use synonyms
 with
society
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I am going to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 why it is important to put
children
Use synonyms
 with all
societys
Correct your spelling
societies
society
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
rather than learn in
school
Use synonyms
 how to be good
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
In terms of advantage, it is important
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any
parents
Use synonyms
put
Fix the infinitive
to put
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
withe
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 it benefits
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all the
children
Use synonyms
. The main reason given to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that most
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don'
t
Use synonyms
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 how to be better
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 because
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 have
Any
Fix capitalization
any
show examples
 experience. To illustrate
for example
Linking Words
 if you
but
Correct your spelling
put
show examples
 any child
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 he
don'
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
no
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 how to but impact like all people in the
society
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
 many
parents
Use synonyms
 think
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
school
Use synonyms
 should
to learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 all the students
how
Correct word choice
what
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
members
Use synonyms
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
 like.
First,
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the
school
Use synonyms
the don'
Wrong verb form
doesn't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 focus abut
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 it is all about how
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
subject
Correct article usage
a subject
show examples
 not
members
Use synonyms
.
in
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
secondly
Linking Words
 all the
school
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to learn about how to be
member
Add an article
a member
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is because she
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how to be better in subject and to be intelligent like all students in
school
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
although
Linking Words
 many
parents
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don'
t
Use synonyms
 the
school
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
this
Linking Words
 thinks just subject,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
all the
parents
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
don'
t
Use synonyms
Ihave
Correct your spelling
Have
 any skills to teach
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
.
Therefor i
Correct your spelling
Therefore I
 believe
that is
Linking Words
 so important to teach all
children
Use synonyms
 how to be Amazing
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all
Use synonyms
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 world which gives
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 good experience and
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 impact for the
societyies
Correct your spelling
societies
society
. The conclusion
it
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
is evident that
to learn
Verb problem
teaching
show examples
 all
children
Use synonyms
 how gives
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 and
Educate
Correct subject-verb agreement
Educates
show examples
 them
Conclusion
Must ensure steps are to prevent
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon from deteriorating future

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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy. There are several grammatical errors that impede understanding, such as incorrect verb forms and prepositions. Consider studying basic grammar rules and practicing writing correctly structured sentences.
writing
Improve sentence structure and variety. The essay has many repetitive sentences and lacks a variety of complex sentence structures. Try to incorporate different types of sentences, such as compound and complex sentences, to make your writing more engaging.
examples
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. In the body paragraphs, the points made are quite general. Providing more detailed and specific examples can help to clearly illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.
task response
You've addressed both views and given your own opinion. This shows a clear understanding of the task requirements, which is crucial for Task Achievement.
structure
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps to give the reader a sense of what to expect and ties your arguments together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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