At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Compare and contrast the advantages & disadvantages
Nowadays, a lot of
contries
in our world Correct your spelling
countries
had
launched new propaganda to Wrong verb form
have
encourge
people Correct your spelling
encourage
giving
birth because of the target that they want to expand the gross domestic productivity. Change the verb form
to give
Therefore
, the number
of childbirth
has Fix the agreement mistake
childbirths
been
increased resulting in a large Unnecessary verb
apply
number
of young adults.
New
generation has come. So, there Add an article
A new
The new
are
much more Change the verb form
is
creativitity
compared to the past. Correct your spelling
creativity
Adolscents
have fresh energy to start their tasks ambitiously. These people will drive the country to Correct your spelling
Adolescents
the
Correct article usage
a
shine
future.
The more Change the verb form
shining
humen
give birth, the more workers run the country.
Correct your spelling
humans
However
, agricultural products suddenly decrease after increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
number
of childbirths. High
rate of consuming natural Correct article usage
The high
resource
reaches to shooting Fix the agreement mistake
resources
number
of wastes. Moreover
, competition in the job will be harder than the
past Change preposition
in the
that
there was Correct word choice
when
small
Change the article
a small
the small
number
of job seekers.
In conclusion, these advantages and disadvantages are happening in our social
. The Replace the word
society
wrter
Correct your spelling
writer
water
think
we should have more Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
about
the future environment and spare resources for the next Change preposition
for
youger
generations.Correct your spelling
younger
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task achievement
Your introduction would benefit from a clearer focus on the topic. While you mention a rise in the number of young adults due to increased birth rates, it would be more effective to connect this to the given essay prompt about comparing advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Each paragraph should develop a single main idea more fully. For example, the advantages could be better explained with clear and specific examples, and the disadvantages should also be explored with more depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using cohesive devices such as transition words. For instance, phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' can help clarify the comparison.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to stick to the topic and elaborate on both advantages and disadvantages equally to achieve a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples. For instance, how exactly do young adults drive economic growth? How does competition in the job market become tougher? This would make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion does a good job summarizing the main points and bringing the essay to a close.
task achievement
Your essay touches on several important points related to the topic, such as the economic impact and resource consumption.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.